As little girls, most of us dreamed of growing up and finding Prince Charming, having that fairytale wedding, and living happily ever after. Unfortunately, life is not always that perfect Disney movie we hoped it would be. Instead, we grow up and find the first guy to give us a ring, get hitched, and live in misery. By the time we’re adults, most of us realize that marriage isn’t always going to be easy. Every marriage is going to go through hard times. Couples are going to fight. Every relationship will be strained by the stress of finances, children, and life in general. This may be unpleasant, but it’s normal. However, when ’til death do us part’ starts to sound like a nice vacation, it might be time to re-evaluate your relationship. Here are seven signs that you may be on the verge of divorce.
- 1) Fighting. As mentioned earlier, fighting is a fairly normal part of a relationship. Two people are never going to agree on every little thing and arguments are bound to spark because of that. However, when those people fight constantly or when these fights go beyond bickering in to full blown brawls, there is a definite problem. Communication is a key part of any marriage, and when a couple is unable to communicate without raising their voices or verbally abusing one another, there is little hope of ever working out their differences.
- 2) Lack of Affection. Think back to when you were a newlywed. You and your new hubby probably couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. As time went on, a little of that fire probably died down as it does in a lot of relationships. You grow comfortable together and realize that you don’t have to be lip-locked at all times to know that you love each other. Fast-forward to the present: Does the thought of physical affection from your spouse make you want to jump out of your skin? Are you disgusted by the thought of kissing him? If you answered ‘yes’, that’s probably not a good sign.
- 3) Resentment. This is a major factor in a lot of broken marriages. Eventually you get tired of fighting with your spouse, so you just let all of that anger and hurt build up. Bottling up your emotions may seem like a good solution to keep the peace in your house, but letting those feelings sit and fester leads to resentment. Resentment, in turn, leads to bitterness, which leads to hostility, which leads to the very thing you tried to prevent – fighting. It’s a vicious cycle, and a very hard cycle to break.
- 4) Avoiding them. Having a life outside of your marriage and doing things without your husband is completely normal and healthy. However, when you go out of your way to avoid spending time with him or even being near him, that is another issue altogether. A little quality time is extremely important in maintaining a healthy relationship, but if you hit the ‘ignore’ button every single time they call it’s a pretty safe bet that date nights are out of the question.
- 5) Affairs. This one is simple enough. If you or your husband are having an affair (or even considering it), you probably have some issues in your marriage that need to be addressed.
- 6) The ‘worse’ outweighs the ‘better.’ “For better or worse” is a pretty memorable line from the standard wedding vows. When you get married, you make a promise to take the bad with the good and to stick it out during the tough times. If every couple divorced every time they hit a little rough patch, nobody would be married. There will be times when you put that vow to the test, but that should be the exception – not the rule. When the majority of the relationship is spent ‘for worse,’ it’s a disaster waiting to happen.
- 7) Thinking about divorce. If the thought of divorce frequently crosses your mind, then your subconscious may be trying to tell you something. The fact that you are pondering it in the first place is a huge red flag.
The presence of these signs does not necessarily mean your marriage is doomed. The majority can be saved with a little hard work, some serious effort, and maybe a little counseling. In most cases, I would definitely recommend giving it a shot before throwing in the towel. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least you can walk away knowing that you did everything in your power to salvage it.