Getting Sarah to go on a nature walk was not easy. Being as much in a state of denial about being quite evolved as well as entirely in tune with nature as I was about the planet Earth even existing as more than a giant holographic game, Sarah was content to sit and watch television while I attempted to find something real out there.
Certainly, I could go out on a long nature walk, do entire half-marathons, climb small hills, swim, go camping – however, I could not let go of my concerns as quickly, readily, as naturally as Sarah. My concerns always following me about, my problems, both literally and figuratively – my worries and woes my burdens to shrug, never Sarah, though. She’d just go out, and live for the moment, and lose herself in the nature attraction setting almost immediately.
All my mechanizations, educations, thought processes, analyses, meaning naught in the long view of things, aside from a long-winded way of keeping people in little boxes called rooms, apartments, houses, or rabbit hutches, seemed to be everywhere, like lawyers on retainer. I’d be in the middle of nowhere, hundreds of miles from a major city, and unable to concentrate on anything other than a large cedar table and big glossy prints, and paralegals marching about in high heels.
If I was lucky, I could imagine casinos in the middle of the desert, complete with tinges of frost, and the nasty smell of bio-fuel with an odor like burning vinegar. – complete with a giant holographic neon and tin cups being drawn to a kinetic pump cranked by well-honed youth with their own golden arms of perfection. I’d click and click in my sleep, to no avail, then, wake up, and nothing would be recorded.
Once, I loaded up an entire science fair at a department store, although, I’d been on a long nature walk all around the San Joaquin Valley. It was both fascinating and embarrassing. Moreover, these were the kids I had been thinking about, the young ones in the photos, making experiments, laughing, smiling – and it was a personal moment, not a nature moment. Sarah would just look at the sunset for a minute, and be there, while being here, she’d unload all the burdens of her life and become the moment.
The nature systems thinking process, as aware, as analytical, as technically correct as could be, could not quite mimic this. However, we all work differently. This, her way of healing something she would need to be prodded to do by me, then find, entirely by accident, to be something to lose herself in.