Anyone with Asperger’s Syndrome, commonly known as “Aspies,” knows that it is hard to know what people are trying to communicate with us. We have difficulty understanding facial expressions and often fail to notice the warning signs of a con job when we come across it. In social situations, this is amplified. We are stressed from the first step of attempting to be a social creature. Then, add to that the difficulty in translating the communication of the people that we engage with. Many con artists and users will take advantage of this fact and many an Aspie ends up in trouble in one of many ways. They can lose money or reputation, or even be harmed physically if they aren’t careful to notice the clues that most “normals” see at a glance. Even if it is merely emotional bullying for the sake of power, you can and should avoid the user. Follow these steps to protect yourself.
The first step is to avoid anyone that seems too eager to get personal fast. This is often the first warning sign of the con artist. They either want to get close to you to steal something, or they want to use your position to perform their “deeds.” Always watch for a person that is getting too personal way too fast. They typically want to see your home or car or ask too many personal questions about income and position. They might also be too physical and make you feel like you are on a date with an octopus. Any of that is a very bad sign.
The second step is to avoid the person that is quick to make demands of other people and not expect to follow that themselves. One example of this would be someone that is highly critical of others around them. They might even skip a step or two and begin criticizing you on that first meeting. Watch for these signs of aggressive behavior and avoid anyone that is putting you down. One good way to handle the situation before you decide to excuse yourself is to use a mirror behavior. Whatever the rude person is saying about you or another person, ask them to relate it to themselves. One such conversation that happened to me last year was a person that I dated. The person asked what my issue was when I broke up with my ex. I replied and then asked that person about their break up. My date refused to place any blame at all on them self. Instead she said that she broke up to avoid drama. When I probed a bit more, I began to see that she was already setting me up for a break up on the first date in spite of the fact that she claimed to think I was the best woman on the planet. This is commonly known as “double-speak.” When the words and attitude or actions don’t match, the person is a liar and potential con. There was no doubt to me that she would repeat the exact same mistakes that had happened in her last relationship. In other words, while it appeared on the surface that she was making personal improvements to make herself a better person, she had actually never made any improvements at all and furthermore, had no intention of improving herself. Sure enough, exactly three weeks later, she was avoiding any emotional inter-connection and called all of that “drama.” I immediately broke it off before I went any further for that reason. Catch it early to avoid getting hurt. As an Apsie, we have enough to deal with emotionally. The last thing that we need is a user.
The third step is to watch for people that make too many demands. They will insist on having their way or might even begin emotional manipulation by ignoring you and playing “mind-games.” One such example would be a person that wants to be friends or date you. They make plans and fail to even ask you if going to a certain place are good for you. They will dominate the conversation and demand that you go here or there because of one of many reasons. They will play for power and clearly show that you are not important in the equation. This is a user.
These are a few steps to get you started as on the path to identifying the users of the world. That way, you can pursue being more social and not end up traumatized afterwards when you encounter a user or bully. Far too many stresses already exist for an Apsie. The last thing we need is to add to that is emotional manipulation and being used by the users of the world. Show them how socially aware you have become and call their bluff by using those steps and save yourself a ton of money in therapy.