When people find out that I am adopted I am usually met with a lot of questions. Do I know my birth parents? Do I know why I was given up? There are people that think it is a topic to avoid and are quick to change the subject. Some people tell me they are so sorry for me. I am open to answering all the questions that I can but most of the time I myself don’t know the answers. I am not ashamed of being adopted and I am certainly not sorry that it happened.
I was 3 years old when I was taken away from my birth parents. I have 2 older brothers biologically, one I have met and one that I have never seen. When my parents had my oldest brother they wanted him because he was their first born. When my second brother was born he was given up at birth because they just didn’t want another boy. When I came along my mother was so excited to finally have a girl that she decided to keep me. We were subjected to abuse that no child should have to go through and most of the time it was my older brother that took the beatings to spare me. Our parents would leave us for long periods of time and that soon caught the attention of the neighbors. We were taken from them and when they returned we were given back. This happened several times before they just didn’t come back and we were taken for good. From there we were sent to live with our grandparents. That didn’t work for long because our grandfather was also very abusive and the state was quickly notified. We were placed in an orphanage while they decided what to do with us. I left and my brother didn’t. I would never see him again. I think losing my brother hit me harder than being taken from my parents. He had been strong for me and protected me the best he could. I was very scared because I didn’t know who was going to protect me now. I believe I saw a total of 7 foster homes. At such a young age, I didn’t understand why I was being passed around so much. I didn’t understand the way the system worked and I thought that I was just not wanted. Every time I got comfortable with a family I would be moved and it got to the point that I just didn’t care. I started acting out and behaving very badly because I knew that I would just be thrown out anyway.
When I went to meet my adoptive parents for the first time I was not convinced that they would be any different. I fully believed that they would just leave me like everyone else had and there was no reason to act any differently than I had been. If I acted really badly I could just get it over with soon and not face the chance of getting attached. I was so wrong! These people really loved me and not only that but so did their entire family! I had never been introduced to Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins before. But here they were, all willing to accept me as part of their family just like if I really had been born to them. It is an experience that only an adopted child can appreciate. They didn’t have to open up their homes and hearts to me but they chose to and even while I was acting like a brat! As a teenager I had a lot of problems dealing with my past in foster care and with my birth family. I thought that God must hate me for putting me through all that and at one time I even hated being a girl because if I had been a boy I would have just been given up. My adoptive parents saw me through all of it and I didn’t make it easy for them.
To this day I am not ashamed of being adopted and I am not sorry. I know that God put me through it to make me a better stronger person and I couldn’t ask for a better family. I have been given opportunities that I never even dreamed I would have. I have traveled to the other side of the world and learned to play wonderful music with my family; all things that I would have never known if anything had happened differently. People ask me if I wish I knew my biological family and I am very quick to say no. In my opinion I had a mother and a father and they had me and left. I have a Mom and a Dad and they earned their positions in that they never left my side in all that I put them through and to this day I know they love me no matter what. In my opinion my adoptive family saved my life and that is a debt I will never be able to repay.