As often as we hear “Give credit where credit is due”, everyone from the very ignorant to the most learned is still prone to overlook the amazing accomplishments of primitive man. Even with all the evidence that proves that slave labor built the pyramids of Egypt, many experts still claim they are too geometrically perfect in shape and measurement to be man-made and were more likely to be constructed by the gods – or by aliens, depending on who you talk to. (Norin Lore, founder of Cretin College of Erudition in Naples, said “It’s hard to accept that modern man with all his education, is only a fraction as smart as the ancient aliens.”)
Just within the last hundred years numerous discoveries of ancient structures, from lost underground pyramids recently located in Egypt using satellite and infrared technology, to Stonehenge in England, have been attributed to alien invaders, alien visitors, alien relatives, and alien aluminum siding salesmen. And now, even as the US is becoming alien-tolerant, the blame game continues. Everyone is pointing fingers. We claim aliens built everything, while the aliens, no doubt, are blaming us for all the shoddy workmanship.
Let’s look at a little history. H. G. Wells, in his science fiction articles as early as 1893, described the world’s population becoming a race of small grey beings with large heads, gray-tinted skin, and huge almond-shaped eyes. Not exactly what you would call ‘people of color’. Ironically, this description, which persists today in current reports of the many UFO and space alien sightings, is an obvious offshoot of this, common in all the alien abduction stories that erupted in the 60’s with Betty and Barney Hill. If Wells had described the aliens as short, fat, dumpy bipeds, well, that could fit anyone.
And it’s a good thing he didn’t describe them as “one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people-eaters” or that would be the image promulgated today in the supermarket tabloids as they kidnapped dogs, ate our children, and flew their reflective cigar-shaped ships into the horizon at light speed with Air Force jets hot on their tails. As Dr. Hans Flinglehoffer, Chief Astrophysicist at the prestigious think tank The Bernouli Institute of Kinetic Theory in Oslo, commented when asked his opinion of this issue, “It is uncertain at zis time how zey measure up to ze Cuban cigars.”
In the early 19th century, Wells carried on discussing little grey extraterrestrials and depicted them as a source of food brought to Earth by the large war-like aliens in his novel The War of the Worlds.
In the 1930’s, the science fiction novel The Unknown Danger was published. The novel frightened readers because the aliens in it resembled small grey jelly-like primates, but unlike any known human race, they conformed closely to the description of the little large-headed beings that Wells had invented previously. Their most prominent features were their large dark eyes and the soft gray garments they wore. Once the newspapers reported on the 1961 alleged abduction of Betty and Barney Hill, flying saucer sightings gained more prominence and these images were connected in everyone’s minds. The Hills’ general description of their abductors was similar and the impression stuck.
In 1933, the Swedish novelist Johann Michaels, under his pen name Harvey Smirz, published a science fiction novel called The Rotten Stables of Ireland, where he describes the sociological background of a possible race of extraterrestrials. Tracing the history of a number of nomadic peoples that began moving southwest from Siberia about 5000 years ago, he proposes that many tribes lived for a time along the base of the Ural mountains. They propagated and spread out and formed other tribes as they moved down along the coasts south of Finland, and then across the Gulf of Bothnia to Sweden and Norway. From there they crossed the North Sea, eventually settling in the northern area of what is now the United Kingdom.
Making slaves of other tribes being common between 2000-3000 BC, one tribe claimed to have purchased a “Giant child” from nomads of the Middle East. The child was thought to be a distant relative of the giant Goliath from biblical times and speculated to be of alien descent. As the child grew, he was integrated into the tribe and took on much of the heaviest work, leading a tribal band of strong men and making this tribe one to be contended with among their neighbors. This tribe eventually proved so formidable, that most of the other tribes moved to escape them, going North to populate the area called “the islands”, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales.
As time went on, the Giant Child tribe remained to the south in what is now England, essentially being a peaceful people who farmed and built cities and towns and fished along the southern shore of the English Channel. Eventually coming into contact with the other tribes living to their north, and by now generations later, all were less war-like as well as more amenable to a beneficent brotherhood of inter-tribal trade. This brotherhood had periodic outdoor gatherings to encourage trade in a sort of farmer’s market environment, which also spurred social connections, as many brought their families and various forms of food and drink.
The Irish were adept at such gatherings on their side of the Channel and were natural organizers of drinking fests around which all else centered, thus the happy environment brought the crowds and greased the skids for all forms of alliances. Some documentation from that period seemed to indicate that a loose trade affiliation was formed known as the ‘United Frat Association’ (UFA). The UFA became a successful referral organization and it is suggested that it might have been one of the forerunners of Masonic lodges.
The UFA’s original gathering area was designated as the middle of a large berm that the Giant Child tribe had long used as a graveyard, constituted by a dense complex of hundreds of burial mounds and stone grave markers. This location had numerous thin stone slabs set about in a circle for seating. While Robert’s Rules of order were not in use then, the layout does show a high level of organization. Unfortunately, it appears that over time the pragmatic group that was running things may have lost the local elections and was unable to keep order.
The few fragments of meeting minutes that were preserved during the latter years went from orderly to scrawled to unintelligible with each successive meeting season. Thereafter, no written records appear to have been saved other than scribbled orders for more and more monumental amounts of beer and wine. Whatever evidence was left indicated that the meetings continued unabated – possibly non-stop – and the officers of the group just sat around 24/7 on their flat rocks getting stoned. There were no accounting notes, but neither is there evidence that anyone complained of missed paychecks, either.
Michaels claims that the old county records of Wiltshire, England own up to hosting this group’s meetings, and as he tells it, the meeting members were such avid partiers, they ate, drank, and slept in the vicinity of this location, causing some longstanding and embarrassing odors. From its higher elevation, the cool breezes in the evening tended to waft over the high area leaving clean fresh air for the constant inhabitants, but then carried their ‘unholy fragrance’ downhill throughout the local townships. Unaware of its origin,the townspeople gasped and gagged, and one man’s joke about the ghastly ‘stable smells’ led to the people of the area blaming the stench on their neighbors, the Irish; hence the title, The Rotten Stables of Ireland.
Word got around and the more sober ones of the group that met on the hill brought this dilemma up at the next meeting and yelled loudly enough to prevent the rest from sleeping through the announcement. It was brought to a vote and decided that the United Frat Association needed a “frat house” of sorts to prevent the escape of their noxious gases, the very thing that might blow their cover and result in a permanent adjournment of their longstanding organization.
The Giant Child himself, now a man over 60, close to ten feet tall and strong as an ox, was asked to begin work as soon as possible, in return for a seat on the Board (or on the rocks). He gathered his strong men and began construction of what is now recognized as one of the most famous sites in the world, called “Stonehenge”, cleverly creating a series of tall, thick hewn-stone barriers arranged in a large circle for walls, but with plenty of room between them for access and ventilation. Even a trench was prepared just beyond the central area where they could throw the scorched bones of their all-you-can-eat barbecues (later throwing into question whether the area was ever really a burial ground).
This construction well met the needs of the civilization for which it was intended, until some time later when the local chieftains of modern medicine discovered it, diagnosed it a health hazard, and permanently quarantined the area. It was about then that the United Frat Association’s ‘founding charter’ was located (under a rock) and researchers discovered that the name of the UFA organization the ancient documents had been referring to, had long been incorrect. The two middle letters of the word ‘F-r-a-t’ should have been transposed.
At this point, all references to alien intervention were cheerfully accepted from every source to cover up the group’s municipal naughtiness, and especially to placate the local townships downwind. Thus the location was hailed as an example of alien architecture and became a celebrated prehistoric site that continues to receive the attention and admiration of many generations up to the present day for its unique design and the ancient mystery surrounding it.
