I often had difficult and almost disastrous events in my life that could have affected my judgment and forced me to make bad choices. I look back at those moments as important learning experiences- stumbling blocks which hindered my progress but did not stop me from what I wanted in my life. Even now I am experiencing difficult times, but I am aware now how to get past them because I learned how to get past these troubling times. This article was mostly written for my now estranged friend, whom was one of those who got caught in the moment and constantly asked for people to help him. He never understood that he caused his own problems, which permanently affected his children, and that (even today) it is not too late to make a change. Although this friend may never read this article, it is important that all of us learn to deal with these difficult moments in our lives, here are a few hard learned lessons that I learned along the way.
Not everything is black and white
The most important thing we do is immediately jump to those who hurt us as “evil” and identify ourselves as victims. When in truth, we had control of the situation the entire time. Thinking that there is a distinction between us and them is a common problem of those who have low self-esteem, even if there is an “us” versus “them” problem in your life- the reality is that it is up to you to make the necessary change to remove yourself from an abusive situation rather than constantly self-depreciate. Once you remove the element of seeing those as either good or bad, then you can see past your own situation and grow. Eliminating that black and white perspective in your life will enable you to see things as they really are, as they were always meant to be.
Your choices whether negative or positive have a domino effect on your family
Children are completely vulnerable to the way their parents react to our environment. When a parent is emotionally detached from them, then it permanently causes permanent and often irrevocable issues for that child’s emotional well-being and self-worth . Children learn social development from their parents; after all the first five years of that child (the most crucial years in childhood development) is completely in his or her parent’s home. The environments that children are raised in are their blueprints from what they will base their adulthood on. If the parent identifies him or herself as a victim and responds negatively, then the child will identify that this as a correct way to react to troubles in their lives.
Be the driver of your own life; stop allowing others to dominate you
Another aspect of my friend was his constantly asking others to “bail” himself out of trouble would also place him in situations where others, rather than himself, had control of his life. I have had similar problems in the past, thinking that my failures were because something was inadequate with me, a type of thinking that had no basis in reality. I was in an abusive relationship for many years because I thought I lacked the necessary abilities to make it on my own. An important catalyst to positive change is the idea that you (and you alone) have the ability to solve your problems. A friend may help you out in those times of dire need, but you must see past these small problems to get past the bigger problems until you succeed.
Drama has a place, in the movies. Get real, get to work and stop dwelling
It is easy to complain and fret in the moment, especially when you have an audience. I often complained to others but then I realized that my audience would either be annoyed by me or wanted to manipulate me in an emotional moment. I am aware that people often do not want to know how you are doing, but want to know how you succeeded. So go ahead and push through it, you may be surprised that you were stronger than you ever thought possible.
Most important of all: Breath
Panic during a difficult moment in your life will get you nowhere, breath in deeply and think of how you will get out of this situation. Every problem, no matter how difficult, has a solution. Meditate calmly about your situation and carefully work out the problem in your head. Consider your situation to be much like a “zombie attack” on your house: you can run in your house and lock the doors, but to survive you will need to do something else, since those “zombies” can bust through the windows and doors. Remember always that the first line of defense is to calm down and to make a plan towards safety. In the moment of panic we forget that we had all the necessary tools to prevent the situation from overwhelming us. Above all things, most of our problems are temporary but do not need to be the catalyst for future bad decisions, So take a step back, breathe in deeply, and think about how to remove yourself from this vulnerable situation and go confidently in that direction.
Take the time to get to know people who will respect you for who you are instead of finding “human crutches” to solve your problems. We can make the decision to change our own destinies and define the destinies of own children. Remember always that the path your personal success all begins and ends with how you deal with your problems. Commit to not allow a setback to spiral you down the “tunnel” of failure and learn from those mistakes.