I know what you’re thinking, “Here we go again. Another article about how horrible black women are”. No, this is not an article about putting black women down. This is actually an article made to help us.
Yes, I said us. I’m a black woman too, and I think we have unique challenges that no other group in the world has to face. As American black women, we are a double whammy–we are women and we are black. That’s a bad combination considering the history of this country. Americans have discriminated against both of those groups. And here we are, born as black women. There are definitely some challenges that we face that no one else quite understands.
One of the biggest concerns is that black women grow up in a culture that no one else grows up in–not even black men. It is no secret that women of all races raise their daughters differently than the way they raise their sons, but in the black community, that gap seems to be even wider. Black girls are being raised strictly–usually by God fearing mothers. They are raised “in church” and the boys are raised to practically do whatever they want to do.
Black boys are the man of the house. So many black fathers are absent from the children’s life, that the mother feels the need to replace him with the next best thing, and that is the son. So now we have a kid calling the shots and speaking to his mom as if he is an adult. Not only is he speaking to his mom that way, but he is also held at high regard and has the right to speak to his siblings as if he really were the father!
It is hard for black children to operate correctly in this world when so many of them grow up in a dysfunctional household. There also seems to not be enough motivation in the black community to stop the cycle. From generation to generation, black kids are growing up in worse family conditions than their parents, and it is starting to spin out of control.
Is it safe to say that black women are having a hard time finding men that are husband/father material? Now that we have an unfortunate pattern of fatherless households and single black mothers, we should consider that there are some real challenges that black women are having when it comes to finding a mate. I personally have no children, but I do realize that it is hard finding a “good black man”, so I have considered dating outside my race. Other black women refuse to do this because they still have a desire to have a beautiful black family–not a beautiful mixed race family.
But what else should we do when black men simply don’t take black women seriously? I assume they don’t see us as wife material either. Our image has been completely destroyed by the media, by black men, and by ourselves. We should be trying to repair our image so that we can help rebuild the black community. And to rebuild the black community, we have to start with the black family.
There is only one answer for how we can repair our image, and that is if we become more feminine. Black men will feel much more comfortable with us, and society will find it hard to continue to criticize our behavior. When I say feminine, I mean to be the way you know you naturally want to be anyway. I have found that our hard shell is just a defense mechanism. We understand that we are under a lot of pressure and that we are being judged, so we put up this wall in order to protect ourselves.
There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself, but you don’t have to tear down others in order to do that. You can still see things clearly and think clearly while you protect yourself. Once we decide to be feminine, we will see that there are a lot of decisions that we may be making in our lives that aren’t in line with the kind of woman we truly are, or the kind of woman we truly want to become.
I am convinced that there are lots of black women that make poor decisions for themselves (and their children), and it’s all done out of pressure. We feel pressured to keep up with the culture. But we must remember that our culture is only a small part of America, and America is only a small part of the world. There is a bigger world out there, and we need to make decisions that will advance us through life, not just our culture.