Love letters are one of my favorite things in the entire world to give and receive. The day I found a love letter written to my husband from a woman I never knew existed, however; was not one of my best love letter experiences (to say the least). Finding an intimate item such as this is very similar to catching them in a sexual act together. It’s a glimpse into a very private, intimate relationship between the man you love – and somebody else! Can you say Ouch?!
I hope you never experience such a heart breaking event; however, if you do, you are not alone. When it happened to me, here is what I did.
First, I took the letter and smacked him in the head with it several times. Thank goodness it was just paper and not a concrete block and no real damage was done. This was combined with much loud cursing any sailor would have appreciated. Who knew I had that kind of language in me?
Second, at the time I found the letter I had been driving his truck so out of habit I took his keys into the house with me. Once I demanded he leave immediately, it was only fair I return his keys. I launched them directly at his head from a distance any baseball pitcher would have been proud at precisely at 98 mph. Who knew I may have a career in baseball?
Third, I allowed myself to feel mad, hurt, pissed off, heartbroken, sad, and embarrassed all without feeling guilty. This was a shock and I had every right to each one of my feelings. I allowed myself to grieve for as long as I needed. I did not take the blame for the choice he made even though I was tempted to believe it was my fault he chose to cheat on me. In life we all make choices right or wrong and the choice was his, not mine. Who knew all that therapy might actually help me one day?
Fourth, I calmed down. Once I had exhausted all the emotion, it was much easier to deal with what happened and I started to see the situation from a different perspective. We had been separated a long time, and while he professed his deep love for me and claimed to want our marriage to work, I knew I should not be with him any longer. I had been stuck trying to make it work far too long. Finding this letter was without a doubt the work of a higher power. It was information I needed to have no matter how much it hurt me.
A very good friend once said to me “Don’t waste your life worrying about what your man is doing when he’s out of site. If he’s up to no good, the universe will make sure you know, one way or another”. Great advice and so true. The information was meant to find me and it did, without any effort on my part.
The love letter was the final straw that helped me end an unhealthy relationship and open myself up for something better in my life. I thanked my guardian angels for the blessing it was. It helped push me forward to a place I could heal and find myself. After some time and effort, I made the choice and found the strength to forgive him. I didn’t do it for him, I did it for me. Forgiveness was a painful road, but worth the effort. The relationship still ended, but I let go of the anger in my heart and I am a much happier person for it.
One final important point. Had this been the first problem with my husband, I would never have ended the marriage without making significant effort to save it first. When I found the letter, I had already invested years of significant effort trying to save it. I would never advise ending a marriage after one bad thing happens. I have friends with wonderful marriages, where a partner cheated and they turned it around and saved the relationship – but that’s a different story!
In the love letter, his girlfriend wrote how she wanted to be his wife, his lover, and the mother of his children. I had already done all those things and more for him. What the dear girl didn’t realize is she would also be his mother, his maid, and his meal ticket. If he lied about her to me, she would find out soon enough who she had jumped into bed with.
My final thought? Best of luck honey, you are going to need it!