At long last, a weight loss program by a movie star for the rest of us overweight schlubs! Do you NEED to lose weight? Do you WANT to lose weight? Do you have the MONEY needed to pay a personal trainer, personal nutritionist and big, beefy guy who threatens to beat up your mama if you dare get in the car and head to the McDonalds?
Get down on your knees and kiss Colin Farrell. The Irish actor who once upon a time would be a big Hollywood star is about to become the poster boy for all us regular Joes and Janes who just want to get in quick shape like the movie stars do but can’t afford it. Or else don’t have the ability to eat just hummus and radishes like the lovely Ms. Hathaway because hummus and radishes turned her into just another Olsen sister.
Just watch TV. That’s what Colin Farrell did. Or should I say, “tis all ye need to do is watch the telly, me laddie.” Do the Irish say telly like the British? I don’t want to get in trouble here. According to Mr. Farrell, the key to losing weight is a simple mathematical equation. How do I know it’s simple? Because even I can do the math here.
Watching “The Bigger Loser” and realizing that grossly obese people can lose weight PLUS understanding the scientific principle that expending more calories than you consume EQUALS getting the body you desire.
What we have here is a case of media influence twice removed. Colin Farrell was moved by the sight of extremely overweight people who were able to drop the flab. And now you can be influenced the man who was influenced by those incredible stories of men and women dropping hundreds of pounds rather than dozens. And that man is Colin Farrell. Who, let’s face it, was already in better shape than most of us.
But don’t let that stop you, Jack! The fact is that media influence twice removed has its place in American society. Let’s say that you are one of those of us who were born a naturally high tolerance for Reality TV. Even Reality TV that actually can be sincerely moving either emotionally or intellectually. There is something in you that just won’t allow you to turn the channel to “The Biggest Loser” despite the fact that you may actually experience the same stimulatory effect toward greater fitness that influenced Colin Farrell to get into the shape necessary to play the role in “Total Recall.”
Since your naturally high tolerance for Reality TV is placing the kibosh on that minute possibility of the genre producing a positive effect, Colin Farrell effectively becomes a living conduit. In other words, Colin Farrell is the electrical charge that connects your flabby body with the Frankenstein laboratory you refuse to enter because it is located in the geographical area your brain has marked, in large block lettering, as OFF LIMITS due to its location within the Reality TV corridor.
For more from Timothy Sexton, who once lost 50 pounds before gaining it back, check out:
Overweight Male Comedy Actors and the Curse of Atuk