I wouldn’t be surprised if some girl named “Emily” is trending Tuesday. Monday night was the premier of ABC’s “The Bachelorette” and this season has the sweetest, prettiest, southern gal looking for love. Here’s the premise: Emily Maynard feels all alone in her mansion after 7:30 p.m., so she asked the Bachelorette crew to scour the US for men who enjoy fitness (seriously, it was mentioned so much I felt lazy).
The crew went far and wide and found 25 of the most eligible bachelors in the country. With varied interests ranging from fitness to dogs, to cars, to fitness, I know they found the best of the best.
Emily has a tremendously sad story – her fiancé, Ricky Hendrick, died in a plane crash in 2004. A few days later, Emily found out she was pregnant with their daughter. In 2010, Emily was one of the contestants on The Bachelor and ended up winning Brad Womack’s heart. Unfortunately, Brad and Emily broke up last summer, which allows Emily to become the latest Bachelorette.
After a lot of typical reality fluff, we finally get to the main event: the introduction of the meatheads, I mean, gentlemen. Here are some of the weirder men:
Travis arrived carrying an oversized egg. At times during the cocktail party, he sat on a bench with his egg beside him. But who can blame him really: sometimes you just feel more comfortable with an egg at your side.
David had a brief pre-recorded intro prior to his arrival, in which he showcased his singer/songwriter abilities by singing Emily’s name over and over – what a man, what a songwriter!
Randy, I-moonlight-as-a-grandma, really put one over on Emily with that grey wig and cane: not nice to fool the poor girl. Doesn’t he know she’s nervous enough as it is? Thankfully, he removed the moo-moo and wig, and revealed that he was not a grandma, but instead, one of the eligible bachelors!
Doug, I’m-a-hugger-is-that-OK, dangled his kid in front of Emily most of the night. It was tough to say if he wanted Emily to be his babysitter, or girlfriend. Nonetheless, Emily was impressed.
Eligible bachelor Stevie likes to dance and walked in carrying a boombox, while Emily said, “get it!” and attempted a wiggle herself. It was at this point that I wondered if Lifetime’s programming was better at this hour. I checked – it wasn’t.
Music Mike from Austin bestowed Emily with…a guitar pick.
And the final bachelor of the night arrived in style. Kalon, a Luxury Brand Consultant, arrived in a helicopter, just in time to secure his position as Tool in Residence.
By the time Emily was thoroughly oogled by 25 bachelors, we had learned something about these men: they are proficient in Google-ing quotes about love and laughter. Before I knew it, it was time for Emily to attend the cocktail party and welcome the men to Charlotte. When she got to the patio where the men were waiting, she got a nice round of applause. There were a few conversations with the men and helicopter Kalon continued to anger people.
The rose ceremony followed and a few bachelors were sent home. If you want to know who got cut, you can check The Bachelorette website, but with this many left, you never really care who gets cut in the beginning anyway. At least I never do. See, that’s why you should carry an egg – so people remember you! Until next week…