Controlling anger in a healthy way that doesn’t cause harm to yourself or anyone else is a noble goal for just about anyone to take on. We all have different anger triggers and can let them get the best of us if we’re not vigilant about managing anger before it makes us do something that we will be sorry for in the end. Here are a few ways which I have found effective in not letting anger govern me.
Ahhh….my best friend detachment. I’ve become more familiar with this after 17 years of attending AA meetings and learning how to detach with love from my alcoholic loved ones. This doesn’t mean that I turn a cold shoulder to the person I’m struggling with, but it means that I remove myself from the emotional connection I’m feeling from something they’ve said or done to get me. I simply choose not to react to whatever the trigger may be. This works well in all relationships with all types of people.
Remove Conditioned Anger
There are some people in our lives that no matter how hard we try, that person just seems to create anger in us and tick us off. I think that’s part of what happened in my own marriage to some degree. I had so many hurts built up from that man that I became “conditioned” in staying angry with him. This can prove to be a real downer because no matter how difficult it is for us to be nice, it seems we cannot. I’ve been in this predicament with my mother as well. I just couldn’t be nice. As hard as I tried. Praying for them ultimately helped rid me of this affliction. Leading me to my next point.
For me, prayer helps to clarify things I’m unclear about. Sometimes I’ll pray for someone to have food, and sometimes I’m praying for someone I really don’t like to have good fortune and peace in their lives…even if I’m not on that page with that person. It’s rather hard to hold a grudge of anger toward someone as we are praying for them. I didn’t think this would work, but it does.
When we expect things, we often end up disappointed. I’ve been down that road time after time, and will probably continue to do so until I reach my death bed. However, by dropping our expectations of people, places and things, we are free to move forward in our lives without feeling like an emotional wreck because something didn’t turn out the way we would’ve liked it to. I find myself much happier when I give up expectations.
Source: Personal Experience