Dating a divorced woman is unlike dating someone who’s never been married before. Granted in some ways it’s exactly the same, but there’s quite a few additional factors you have to consider. It may take some extra patience and understanding, but with effort and commitment on both your parts, the relationship has a good success rate. Before you sign on to a relationship with a divorced woman, there are several things you need to first consider.
Know that you’ll come second to her kids
It can be difficult dating someone when you know you’ll always hold the second spot in her life. When you’re dating a woman who has kids, whether or not she’s divorced, understand that her kids are always going to take the top spot. It’s up to you to be secure enough and understand that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the bond between her and her kids. The more accepting you are of it, the more she’ll be receptive to a relationship with you.
Go slow and give her time
You typically want to take your time getting into a relationship anyway, but when it comes to dating a divorced woman, it especially rings true. It’s even more important if she’s just recently divorced. Don’t expect her to go at things with the same pace that you would. Let her know how you feel about her, but give her time to ease into things.
Get the details about why the marriage ended
You may feel like it’s none of your business about why her marriage ended, but it actually very much is. It’s the same reason why many want to know why their partner’s previous relationships ended except divorce is on a whole ‘nother level. The reasons she gives you for the end of her marriage can give you an idea of how to proceed. For example, if she cheated on her husband, it may be a dealbreaker for you, but if he cheated on her, you’ll know to be extra cautious with giving her enough space to heal properly.
Realize she’ll expect more from you
When you’re in a very long term relationship or a marriage, it’s incredible how much you learn about who you are, what you want out of life and what you expect out of a partner. Understand that, chances are, she’ll hold you to a much higher standard than her ex’s. However, the good news is that, if she chose to be with you, she already likely feels like you meet her new standards and that the two of you show promise.
Don’t compare relationships
Don’t make the mistake of comparing what you have with her to what she had with her ex. Every relationship is different as are the people in them. You’ll just need to take your time finding your groove and letting everything fall into place. Enjoy the positive differences and stop focusing on the negative ones! The positive ones can often be the key to what makes a relationship work over one from the past.
Be understanding if she has to talk to her ex
You absolutely cannot get upset every time she has to talk to her ex, especially if they’re still working through the court system and even more so if there’s kids involved. If they’re sharing custody, her ex is always going to be a part of her life and you have to accept that. Whether you like it or not, he’s part of the package. The more problems you cause on her end, the more it’s going to do nothing but put her in a difficult position.
Be weary if they go out alone together
It’s one thing if your girlfriend and her ex are getting together to discuss assets or something having to do with their kids, but if they’re getting together alone just for coffee you may want to put yourself on guard a bit. There’s no legitimate reason why they would be getting together just to catch up. Should it happen, let her know it bothers you, but if it becomes a repeat thing, it’s time to find out what’s really going on.
Be as nice to her ex as possible
The last thing you want to do is put her in an uncomfortable situation where both you and her ex are outright nasty to each other. It’s not only going to cause her a lot of stress, but it’s also going to put a strain on your relationship. Even if it aggravates every fiber of your being, be as nice to her ex as possible. If he wants to be nasty to you that’s one thing, but you don’t have to lower yourself to his level. He’s going to be the one who’s going to look like a creep in her eyes, not you.
Find out where she stands on marriage
Quite a few women are against getting married for an additional time. Once they’ve done it, that’s it. If you’re all about getting married and she’s totally against the idea, it may be a dealbreaker for you unless one of you is willing to bend in a different direction.
Dating a divorced woman may require some extra compromises and considerations, but that doesn’t mean there’s any less of a chance of the relationship working out. Put in the effort and work with each other and there’s no doubt you’ll be able to make your relationship succeed if both of you are committed to the task.
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