Decided to finally embrace my destiny. It was like something bubbling up in me that I could not stop even if I dared to try. It’s so freeing, yet I am afraid. I am afraid that if I totally lose all control, it would be the most beautiful, unfolding experience that I ever wanted it to be. I know it will be, but it is almost like I am afraid of the unfolding experience as much as I crave it. I find it so unfolding just to tell you about me. About this. About everything.
I am sitting here typing in my bedroom, in my parent’s home – while my daughter lies in the futon next to my bed. This futon is her bed that resides perpendicular to my queen-sized bed. My son is sleeping in the next room in another king-sized bed (that used to be my brother’s old room). Initially my son had that room with my daughter when we moved in four years ago after living in Georgia. We moved to Georgia after being put out of the home in Katy, TX. that we shared with my now ex-husband. He had already been gone a few months prior to the foreclosure so it was only my two children and myself driving out of Texas after being forced to leave our home on my birthday five years ago.
What strikes me as odd as I’m typing is not the fact that I’ve gotten to the point of shedding all layers but that I procrastinated about it for such a long period of time. Too long. Life has constantly been presenting me with opportunities and gentle nudges in the right direction and I’ve been too afraid of embracing them because I am afraid of my capabilities, because I don’t want to try to put myself above the next person. Not wanting to see that being above the next person can be alright too.
Of course when I tried to ignore the whispers or resist their push and pull, the pushes and pulls became shoves and yanks. Death slapped me more than a few times with so many deaths of really beloved people near and dear to my heart and near and dear to the hearts of the people I love. Forcing me to pay attention to what I am supposed to be doing in my life. Well, I am fully engaged and listening now and breaking free of being too afraid of what others may think and what others might say. They’ve already been saying it all this time and even now. Checks and balances.
I now understand that my life came packaged to teach some very basic lessons and build upon those lessons by displaying all the ways in which to enhance those lessons. My life was supposed to go exactly the way that it did in order for me to be in a position to unfold, to shed all layers and disclose my very personal (guarded) life with my most personal human family. The Law of One.
I am glad that you are the very people that will witness my unfolding. I am glad that we are all here in this time and in this space, together. I am so grateful for having been able to have shared the same space with many of those that have preceded us in the demise of this life. My life is that much richer because of it. I am grateful that we have a forum that will allow us to further discuss everything and to collectively heal in the process.
If I knew just how good it feels to get to this point in the first place, I wonder if it would have taken me this long? I guess the process was the purpose of the journey so all in due time. Until next time. Love.