Quick. Top five movies from 1989! “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade”, “Batman”, “UHF”, “Sinbad of the Seven Seas”, and “Lethal Weapon 2”. This is possibly the best worst movie I’ve ever seen. Lou Ferrigno (from the “Incredible Hulk” TV series) leads(?) the way as Sinbad in an adventure based on a short story written by Edgar Allen Poe in the mid-1800s (I did not have to IMDB this as it was actually in the movie), and filmed in Italy where it appeared all of the actors but one were dubbed (No, the English speaking Lou Ferrigno was dubbed. The person who played Jafar seemed to be un-dubbed).
Everything about this movie was incredibly odd. From the wonderful romantic line of “Gosh, you’re beautiful!” to the random female…bodybuilder, I suppose, who starts hanging out with Jafar about halfway through the movie for no reason whatsoever. She just mocks him most of the time, and disappears at the end right before she may have achieved some semblance of plot relevance. There are the most amazingly awful bit part actors playing the mother, who is reading and narrating the story, and the daughter, who is listening and injecting a healthy dose of retarditity. There is a little person thrown in for comic relief, which, with better foresight, the moviemakers would have realized was unnecessary as they really could have used…I guess…serious-relief.
This is one of those bizarre movies that I almost rated a 2.5 and almost rated a 4.5. Many of the bad parts were hilarious and, thus were awesome. So many of them in a row grew to be tiresome. Perhaps if they had separated this movie into three half hour movies, hilarity at the badness would have been appreciated at each movie’s viewing (so long as a marathon of those three shorter movies was not done, but I think the point has been made). As it is, when scene after scene of awfulness comes flying at you, the mind starts to wander. “Why did anyone sign on for this?” “Why didn’t anyone try to stop this?” “Did I put my pants on backwards?” Ultimately, I could not help but feel bad at this feeble attempt of a movie. It also made me think that I should be making movies. Who needs a budget?
The action scenes varied. Some were actually not terrible. But, most were. Sinbad’s “battle” with the dead king in particular. It is perfectly clear that there were budget and time limitations….but c’mon!!! Also included were random laser beam capabilities, fake rock throwing that reminds you of “The Hulk” TV series, and fight moves that were repeated…over and over and over and over again. And, of course, bizarre, randomly used slow motion that turned some seemingly harmless fight scenes into borderline gay porn.
The story almost has a faint (very faint) resemblance to the “Aladdin” movie from Disney, with some bizarre “power stones” thrown in that Jafar sends off far away from the city, which when retrieved and put back, he can no longer get rid of…because of…something or other (yikes). Yes, I destroyed part of the ending. Trust me. It does not matter.
This is not a movie to watch for that fantastic surprise at the end. It is to be watched with a tongue in cheek attitude. It is to be watched in a group and ridiculed. I truly cannot believe a movie like this was made. I cannot believe I was lucky enough to have seen it.
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