How do you do that?
Since you’ve decided to stay with your cheating mate, know that you will be faced with many challenges trying to salvage what’s left of your broken relationship. It can be done, but it will take a serious effort from both individuals. This is what you must do:
1.) Break all contact with the other person. This means no phone calls, no texts, NO SEX, no eye contact-don’t even think about the other person. Delete their number, and if at all possible, BLOCK IT. Block them from Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Blogger, and whatever other social networking site that connects you two. Unfriending and unfollowing isn’t enough. Your man/woman needs to know that you don’t intend to deal with the other person anymore. You shouldn’t even hint that there is a possibility that you may link up with the other person again. This is an extreme measure, but necessary nonetheless. You want your partner to trust you, right?
2.) You must be crystal clear.
You no longer have the right to privacy. Your mate has to be able to see right through you and know that you are telling the truth. Your mate may want to check all of your text messages, emails, messages, DMs, etc. and you should let him/her. Don’t be surprised if he/she goes through your belongings, too. Hand over all passwords and codes. This can be annoying, but if you’re not patient enough to deal with it, just save both of you all’s time and energy and just leave. Otherwise, let the investigating commence! This is all part of the process of regaining trust.
3.) Cross your heart and hope to die.
Remember when people use to say this as if to prove that their story was true? Well, get use to saying it. You will be interrogated daily. Ain’t no way around it. You may be asked about the details of your affair, your alibi from a week ago, or even someone who comments on your picture. No matter what, be completely open and honest. No matter how much you think your partner will hurt after you tell the truth, just say it. If you don’t, it will set you back because to your partner, you lied. So just tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
It is your job to help your mate know how important he/she is to you. There are plenty of ways to win them over: gifts, compliments, spending quality time together, old-fashioned chivalry, kind gestures. However, everyone doesn’t react the same to certain forms of flattery. If you know that your partner has a materialistic side, buy them something. If you know your partner is an undercover nymphomaniac, plan a nice romantic date and end it with a night full of love-making. Don’t try to have sex with your partner thinking that it’ll melt the ice around their heart if they are the type to be more receptive to love letters. It may seem a little…eh…but believe it or not, these gestures go a long way. Last, but not least, say I Love You all day, everyday.
Now, YOU wanted to give him/her another chance. Therefore, YOU have to put in work, too. It will be difficult, but eventually, you’ll have to forgive your partner. It’s ok to obsess over the situation for a little while, but if you want to save your relationship, you have to let it go. Point, blank, period. If you don’t plan on forgiving him/her, you might as well leave.
2.) The past is the past.
Once you have sincerely forgiven your partner, stop talking about his/her affair. Don’t ask anymore questions. Don’t cry about it. Don’t think about it. The other person is irrelevant, so forget it.
Speaking of the other person: They’re sitting at home, lonely, wishing they could be you. They are not more attractive, smarter, or in any way better than you. That is why they are the other person. So stop worrying about them!
3.) Thou shalt not punish.
If you are staying in the relationship with the mere intention to get revenge and punish your partner, I feel sorry for you. This person is trying to make everything right, and you are making his/her life a living hell. Why? I’m not condoning the cheater’s behavior, but if you really hate that person’s guts to a point that you want to make them suffer, then just leave. Believe me, being left is the worst feeling for a cheater. But deliberately stressing your partner out and laughing wickedly in the background (cue thunder) isn’t the ideal thing to waste your time on. Let go and let God deal with it. In short, revenge is for losers.