Love comes in many forms and expresses itself differently with each individual in your life. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to talk comfortably with someone and share your thoughts without having to “impress.” That’s what friends are for, to be able to connect with them on a deep level and share a little piece of yourself with them without feeling judged or ridiculed. Friendship is a form of love that binds people, gives them joy, makes them have fun. When there is a friendship between two people, this feeling of comfort and compatibility can take on a different level. Sex is an expression of love. A way to enjoy each other even more than just talking, but does it really benefit a friendship?
Sex between friends is a relatively new phenomenon. It’s more meaningful than a one-night stand, yet it’s not considered romantic love. In the old days, sex was the final expression of two people madly in love with each other. On a more spiritual side of it, sex is simply a way for two people to mingle their bodies to express a higher love and respect for each other ~ two souls blending as one.
The truth is a REAL friend comes with no benefits. You hang out because you care for each other. It’s as simple as that. It may sound old fashioned but sex is reserved for the one you are madly in love with. However, that is not quite realistic in our culture today. People look at sex differently…and lust is embraced and not considered a “deadly sin” anymore. Yet it can still cause bad feelings and negative emotions.
When you mix sex with friendships two things can happen. Either you lose interest in each other as friends, or you end up getting hurt. The policy of friends with benefits is, no questions asked, no strings attached, he/she can date others, sleep with others, find a lifelong companion, and marry someone else etc. When only one partner falls in love with the other, a major difficulty arises. In such a case, this person might cross the boundaries of friendship with benefits and begin to behave like a lover. The lack of reciprocity can then be painful and destructive. So think very carefully before you leap into a “friends with benefits” situation.
When two people choose a friends with benefits it’s basically because one or both want to avoid a commitment. They want to continue the friendship without the hassles. So here are some basic rules to follow. These little rules may curb a relationship from developing into a committed one, but it won’t stop it from happening. These are just guides to challenge you. Can you follow them?
- 1. Do not have expectations. Don’t expect to use sex to make your friend fall in love with you.
- 2. Give this friendship with benefits situation a time -frame. Three months is usually a good stopping point.
- 3. Limit your time together. Spend no more than two hours in bed together.
- 4. Talk on the phone once or twice a week
- 5. Keep other friends out of it. They don’t need to start drama that’s not there.
- 6. No pillow talk, or sex talk on the phone.
- 7. No sleeping over
- 8. DO NOT romance your partner by making them a candlelight dinner, serve them popcorn and a beer.
- 9. Keep the conversation as you always have, fun and light, or just keep connecting
- 10. Keep your focus on you, your life, and what makes you happy. Always choose you first.
The best rule to follow is not to mess up a friendship with sex. It’s old-fashioned but it keeps a person from being hurt and losing self respect. The low level of commitment can result in a decrease of intimacy with your friend. Real intimacy, the kind you used to have before sex was brought into the friendship. Because it diminishes the openness you used to have. One of you may not want to discuss relationships with other people, or other sex partners. Even though friends can talk about everything else under the sun, the no strings attached policy prevents your friend from being as open as he/she once was.
If you truly like your friend, give the “friends with benefits” thing some careful thought. Evaluate carefully if it’s worth risking the loss of a good friend or if your friendship is solid enough to include love-making into it. Follow the rules, don’t expect anything and stay friends.