How can you not forget those special school days, with your favourite on the school menu…’Homework’. Yes I did homework to. Somehow homework managed to clank a big ball-and-chain around my ankle and said, ‘you are mine’.
My brothers and sister would finish their work quickly. As for me, I would still be stuck there carrying out my homework. I’d get to a point where my brain would just freeze, as if Mr. Freeze from Batman (Arnold Schwarzenegger) put a freeze on me, and I’d just be….lost in space – ‘oh no, we’re doomed’. Well actually I’m for real doomed here; I’m the one with the homework ball-and-chain. I’d hear in the distant background, ‘You finished Brendan? Hurry up will you’, from my family and friends, mixed in with the annoying bumping-and-grinding noise from ball-and-chain over here. Did I hear my family and friends actually try to converse with me? Of course I did, but, oh no homework beckons.
Good old mum, who wasn’t old at the time, and wouldn’t have liked to be told she was old, would shout out to us outside it was…. ‘homework time’. It was like the school bell had gone cuckoo and little lunch (remember little lunch) and big lunch were over man, for real (yes I know it’s devastating) because – ‘school’s back in sucker’ (rap line from anonymous rap artist). As the saying goes, ‘for all things big and little’, or is it great and small. Well, at least I’m making an effort alright, just like my homework.
I figured out getting my homework done early was a good strategy, like I was the brightest student on the planet. But someway or another, people had to drag me together with my ‘homework ball-and-chain’ to do the things I normally did, like play outside and do things around the house. I’d be having dreams about homework damn it, isn’t that scary? – ‘homework, homework…yes, no, yes, no’. I’d even gobble down my dinner so I could get back to my beloved homework, looking all constipated, with the whistle on the locomotive about to blow – ‘she’s going to blow Captain (Star Trek)’.
I was like Jimi Hendrix and his famous song Purple Haze – ‘…because that homework put a spell on me’. I began to fall in love with my homework to the point of couldn’t live without it. Oh go on and write a love song why don’t you while you are at it. Instead of an initial waiting period of say an hour (feels like being in a waiting room waiting for a baby), I’d take up to five hours to finish my beloved homework, with girlfriend waiting all that time. I bet she loved me after that; my homework did for sure.
The worst homework situation was when exam time came around and I was studying at home. I was like a mad man trying to get all the information ‘in my belly’, sorry head of mine (Fat Bastard, Austin Powers movie). I would actually try and memorize the information, what a mind-blowing exercise believe me. I mean, Earth to LittleIrishman, Earth to LittleIrishman, what are you, a USB storage device or something? When I finally let daylight hit my exam-filled head, and had dreams over and over about exams, plus homework, my fellow exam buddies would think what planet I just fell from (remember I was lost in space at the time). I looked like Magilla Gorilla had given me an almighty clobber across the head.
Homework and I eventually became best of friends, but I’ve still got a mark around my ankles from that damn ‘homework ball-and-chain’.