So your lover is now your ex and you feel that you made a mistake and want your ex to be your lover again. Don’t panic – you are in good company. Even legendary lovers like John Lennon and Yoko Ono went through a break up before ultimately getting back together.
Draw Up a Plan
Think carefully about why you two broke up in the first place. Was there a specific reason? Can you think of how you could have handled things differently? Write down how you should have handled the situation or how you could have avoided that final fight. You could send a copy of this plan to your ex or you could bring it to a meeting with him or her.
This shows your ex that you are willing to change your ways. Making a plan can help ease your ex’s fears of always getting into new fights with you. Drawing up a plan also magnifies the first point of apologizing to your ex – even if you were at fault. Making a plan is also a way to clean up your own act. Even if your ex does not come back, you will still be better off.
Apologize – Even If the Ex Was At Fault
There are always two sides to every love story and chances are you were wrong and your ex was right. Both of you probably decided to end the relationship, so that part was definitely your fault. Admitting that you are sorry will help to heal any bad feelings and help your ex see that you are willing to change.
Apologies can be done over the phone, in person or through writing. Handwritten letters make the best impression, but if time is an issue or if you do not know where your ex is living, apologize by email. Don’t just send a pre-made card and sign your name to it, even though greeting card companies do make “I’m Sorry” cards.
Don’t Be a Pest
Although you are anxious, your anxiety can really freak out your ex if you call several times a day and send hundreds of emails. This puts pressure on your ex to respond. Your ex may not be ready for that step yet. As the old saying goes, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” If you are constantly being a pest, then there isn’t any time for the ex’s heart to become fonder of you.
While you’re waiting for a reply, read Love in the Time of Cholera (1985) by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. The main character is in the same boat you are in. He lost the love of his live because he was a pest. Learn how not to be a pest and have a good read at the same time.
Don’t Show Signs of Jealousy
Has your ex begun another relationship? Even if you are jealous, don’t show any signs of this jealousy. Don’t make any snide remarks about the new love in your ex’s life. Don’t pull any pranks on your ex’s new flame, even though it will be really tempting not to.
If your ex flat-out asks you if you are jealous and you are, don’t lie. Say you are jealous, but also add that you are disappointed in yourself for driving your ex away. This also is a type of apology, as well as a level-headed response.