Over two thousand years ago, a Man walked upon the earth. Later, that Man sacrificed His life and died for me. I never knew the extent of His sacrifice until one Easter morning 19 years ago.
I always thought of Easter as the day families gathered together, went to church and honored our Savior. Easter was a day of worship, hiding beautifully dyed eggs to be eaten later. Easter prior to that Sunday was a day of new, brightly colored fashions, getting children ready for church and heading out to see the beautiful colors everyone was wearing, listening to a minister preach and then enjoying the day with family.
For years, I prayed for my Lord and Savior to come into my ‘heart’ and save me. I asked Him to change me according to His word and direct my path. I wanted Him to order my steps, my talk, my walk, my entire being in His will.
I searched for Him daily. Each day, I began my day praying the ‘Lord’s Prayer.’ As we all were taught to do in following the guidance of Christian parents, we learned early in life to pray. Some began early molding their prayers to fit their needs. Others changed their prayers wording them in a style in which to inspire and seek the approval and admiration of man. Some simply wanted to learn how to pray. I kept praying the Lord’s prayer in hopes of one day feeling His will stronger and more diligently in my life.
On that Easter Sunday, I arose as usual. After preparing breakfast I began to prepare my evening meal so it would take less time to cook when returning home. On the way home, I would normally stop and grab a hamburger for the boys so they would be okay until dinner was ready. After breakfast was ready, I got the boys out of bed.
After they ate breakfast, and began to get them ready for church. They were still very young, so I had to help them with their baths and guide them all the way through their dressing process. They bathed, brushed their teeth and then waited for mom to get ready before getting dressed in their new Easter outfits. I showered, began to get ready and then was heading out the bedroom to the boys rooms when I was captured by the Spirit. Overwhelmed in what seemed to be a moment of revelation, I began to see a vision. In my mind, I saw the Crucifixion of our Savior.
I began to feel the hurt and pain in my heart of what my Savior experienced. Now I cannot tell you I experienced the actual physical pain because I did not. What I felt was the spiritual pain of my Savior’s death. I saw the experience in my mind. In my heart I felt a miniscule portion of the agony He felt as He was beaten, chastised and then died.
In my spirit, the crucifixion of my Lord was played out. The intensity was far more than I could endure. I fell down on my knees and began to cry and pray. I began to cry out to my Lord asking Him to forgive me for my sins and transgressions. I cried out to Him because it was because of my failures, my shortcomings, and my sins that He had to endure the torture. Because of me, He sacrificed His life. Because of His love for me, He died the most horrible death ever inflicted on man. I then began to moan. I began to cry as if my heart was breaking. I could not fathom the intensity of my Saviors” crucifixion another moment.
I cried so hard, my clothes were drenched in tears. I had to change and dress again. For the very first time in my life, I understood how intense the crucifixion of my Savior was. I began to realize what He went through for me. Easter took on a completely new meaning. I began that day understanding why some refused to refer to the day as ‘Easter’ but instead were now referring to the day as ‘Resurrection’ Sunday.
Since that day, Easter Sunday, 1994, I understand how I am the redeemed child of my Savior. I walk with pride knowing that I am His child. I stopped doing the things I knew were not within His will and began doing the things I knew were ‘right.’ I also started feeling the Holy Spirits guidance when I would begin to even think wrong thoughts or maybe try to go in the wrong direction. I felt like a new person with a new meaning and direction. I began to walk in the life God wants for me.
I no longer cause hurt or pain to anyone. I no longer can do the things I use to do. I am a new person. Christ has come into my heart and now He is my guide, my Lord, my Savior. He has taken a place in my spirit and I never want Him to leave me. He now occupies my heart, mind, spirit, body and soul. I love the Man and now I know “I am Redeemed.”