The Shock of My Life
College will be the best years of your life. I believed those words. After only being on a college campus for a week, my life changed overnight. A Facebook inbox message from my boyfriend’s aunt was not what I expected to see after logging on. Especially not since my roommate had just texted me asking if I had spoken to my boyfriend that day. She was curious because she received a forwarded text message that said, “RIP John”. So I dialed the number in the Facebook message and heard the words that a 17 year old who is “head over heels” in love, NEVER wants to hear. “I am sorry Krystle but John, his mother and his step father died in a house fire this morning.” I nearly passed out and my roommate called my parents to come get me. I lost my boyfriend on September 18, 2009.
My Worst Fear
It had been about a month since losing my boyfriend and I was having trouble dealing with it. I could not sleep and I could not bear to hear fire trucks. It was the weekend before Thanksgiving and family was what I needed to help me. I remember coming home and seeing my mom open the door to welcome me in. Instantly I knew something was wrong. She had a smile on her face but she looked weak. I had never seen her like this. I walked in, hugged her and placed my bags on the floor. My parents watched me as if they had something to say. As I plopped down on the couch I noticed a brown and pink bag sitting on the loveseat. I walked over to it as I told my mother how cute it was. Attached to the bag was a pink ribbon with the breast cancer symbol dispersed across it. My heart immediately dropped and I could barely speak the words, “Mom, do you have breast cancer?” She just stared at me blankly and her silence spoke volumes. I found out my mother had cancer in November 2009. I lost my mother to Breast Cancer on August 2, 2010.
My friends did not expect me to return to college that September but I knew that my mother wanted me to finish. She always spoke about it. I refused to let her down. So I continued school with a productive sophomore year. My grades were maintained, I took honors courses and I was even flying to Boston with some classmates to attend a conference at Harvard University. Things were looking up even though I was still a wreck on the inside. On the morning of our return to Charlotte from Boston, I received a call from my father. He told me that my uncle (my mom’s youngest brother) had died. My world came crashing down and I started to believe that I was cursed. I lost my uncle in February of 2011.
I was depressed. I could not eat or sleep. I would cry for hours on the floor. I would pray constantly for my mother to come back. I kept this all bottled in until I was alone. I would find time to release my feelings when I was alone. I was good at hiding my pain from most people, but not my current boyfriend. He would find me on the bathroom floor crying my heart out or wake up to me crying hysterically in my sleep. I realized that I had to make a change. So I decided to get a self-help book with the slight belief that it would work. I started reading Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns, M.D. The book did not solve all of my problems, but it did help me end my denial of depression. From my experiences I have definitely learned a few things. You should find someone that you can open up to. Find things that you enjoy and do them. Keeping busy is important. I just took everything one day at a time. Yes I still think about all those that I have lost. They will forever be in my heart.