Everybody has their own opinion about what love is. I’d like to share my conception of love with you. Probably not unlike yourself, I used to think that love was a feeling. No one could have convinced me that what I felt for my former boyfriend’s wasn’t love. But after I heard the statement, “Love is something you do not something you feel.” It caused me to wonder.
I first heard the term, “Love is something you do not something you feel” when I got married. I’d never heard that saying before so when my husband brought it to my attention, I had to take a minute and think about it. Just thinking about it wasn’t enough to convince me of the probability of the statement being true. I had no point of reference to confirm it’s truth; since I’d never had an experience in a relationship that revealed anything different other than what I felt for the person.
Feelings and emotions are extremely strong and it is difficult to distinguish them from love. There’s a very thin line between love, feelings and emotions.
For example, let’s say you’re in a relationship and you develop feelings for the person. You’re affected emotionally by the person’s various idiosyncrasies; like the person’s mannerisms, appearance, the person’s actions, etc. You’re attracted to the person emotionally causing a feeling of attachment; if you include physical intimacy then feelings, emotions and attachment go even deeper.
I’m sure you’re aware of what I’m saying. People think they’re in love simply based on the points that I’ve stated. The person doesn’t have to have done anything special for you, for you to feel the way that you’re feeling; it’s just that you’re emotionally caught up in what “you’re” feeling and you call it love.
The emotions that you’re caught up in aren’t outside of you; they’re simply your inner emotions. It doesn’t mean that the person you’re feeling those emotions for mutually feels the same. The emotions “feel” good so they get equated as love.
So I ask you; is it logical to assume that what you’re feeling is love simply because “your” attraction was catered to and you were pleased physically?
When I meet my husband, I was attracted to him. I was drawn to his eyes; but what really attracted me to him was what I saw when I looked into his eyes. I saw beyond the physical.
When we got married, I didn’t have emotionally strong feelings for him, however I cared a lot about him. After we married, my husband was an excellent provider. I never wanted for anything materially or financially; even though I worked and could provide for myself.
I came to appreciate him to the utmost not because he could provide in the manner that he did but because he gave from his heart. Whenever there was a need he met it; I never had to say a word. In addition, he pleased me intimately; the attraction was there, the feelings and emotions were there.
So just based on the examples that I’ve given, I come to the conclusion that attraction, being attached to someone emotionally, sexually and mentally are like the icing on a cake; however, they aren’t the cake. The cake for me is what the person does from their heart. I say that because, the icing (feelings, attraction, attachment) can be taken away at some point but what’s done from the heart (the cake) remains; even if the relationship doesn’t last, the thing that stays with you is what the person did for you and to me that’s what love is.