Depression is something we all live with whether it is you or someone very close to you. Those of us who suffer from it cannot explain it like a toothache or an injury. Writing about depression is about as hard as writing about feeling cold or hot. Try explaining how it feels to be cold or hot, you know how it feels, but putting it into words someone else can understand is very hard.
Myself, when I feel depressed, I cannot explain it well. My wife knows when I am depressed, mainly because I am not the way I normally am, happy and outgoing. I have a tendency to become withdrawn, and little things seem to be meaningless to me. Normally I pay attention to detail, when depression sets-in, I could care less.
Over the years, I began to try to understand depression and the onslaught of it more. Understanding it has become a waste of time, there is no understanding of it. Becoming aware of it is quite another thing all together. Along with my wife, we have started to be able to recognize the stages it comes in and try to work on them individually instead of the depression itself. We have realized for me, depression has five stages, and the quicker I can get through each stage, the quicker the depression seems to subside.
Stage One: I get what we call, The Don’t Want To
We have labeled it this, because I simply don’t want to. Whether it is going somewhere with friends, doing things around the house, or simply interacting with others. I just don’t want to, I would rather just sit and do nothing. I have little to no interest or energy to do anything.
Stage Two: I Don’t Care
I normally am always on time or early to where I am going or where I have to be. When I am dealing with depression, I don’t care if I am late, and don’t care if you do. I have a tendency during this time period to just, say never mind and not do it, whatever it maybe.
Stage Three: Who Cares
This is when I become a little combative. I don’t care about much, and if you try to get me too, I will normally want to argue with you about it. Many a sleepless nights occur during this stage, and at the time, I really don’t care about that either. All that seems on my mind is arguing and being right.
Stage Four: I Am Mad at The World
During this stage, no matter what, it makes me mad. I do not become violent, I just become ready to argue about anything with anybody, including myself. I have a tendency to get mad at myself for letting the depression control me. I have a tendency to avoid the people I care about during this stage, mainly because I know it is not anything to do with them, and I don’t want to say things to hurt them.
Stage Five: Get Up and Get Active
This is the stage where I am tired of sitting around, feeling sorry for myself, or being upset. I just pour myself into something, and I go from one task to another, until I don’t even realize the depression is gone. I just physically work my way out of it.
Like I said, depression is not something you can describe to someone else. It is a lonely time when you just have to go through the stages one at a time, trying to shorten each stage until it is over. I use to try to sleep through it, but found that just makes it go longer. My wife has been a God-send for me, she helps me recognize when it is starting, and helps me get through each stage with great understanding and patience.
I have no idea what brings it on, although I am noticing more as with age, when I reach a goal or date of a special occasion, it seems to be more frequent that depression follows. Realizing this, I have a tendency to become more involved and always have something to look forward to working on next. Idle time is not a good thing for me.
Medication, I choose not to take medicine. The people I have known who did, they don’t seem to be better off for it. These people still suffer bouts of depression, I don’t think it can be cured. I have chosen for myself, not to add chemical elements to an already ununderstandable time in my life.