As a child of four I went through my Mother and Father’s divorce. I remember very little, but I do remember standing between them and someone, who was obviously in authority, asking me, who did I want to live with? What sort of question is that for a four year old? I never did answer it, but ended up living with my Mother, which is another story all together. I swore I would never put my children through anything like a divorce.
Years later, at the ripe age of 17 I married my first girl friend. I had never been a popular or social kid in school and I guess I didn’t know how to interpret any type of affection from the opposite sex. I simply called it love and married it to make things tidy. Seven years and two children later, we experienced our own divorce. This is what I swore I would never put my own kids through. Yes, it was as ugly as the first divorce I had witnessed.
Right on the heels of that divorce I married my second wife. Much had happened between the ages of 17 and 24 and I was certain I had that love thing under control now, I didn’t. I married her right after her high school graduation. We spent a very happy first five years together then she informed me she was no longer my “…little Suzie home maker…” From that point on I did my own laundry, cooked many of my own meals, did my own dishes and basically did everything for myself. I was a married single man.
The next ten years continued much like probably any other married couples lives. That’s how I interpreted marriage anyway. My inexperience told me this is how it must have been for everyone else; living together and doing your own thing. It wasn’t my idea of happiness, but it wasn’t pure misery either; it was just a lonely, but relatively peaceful existence. I was certainly not happily fulfilled, but I didn’t know marriage could be any happier than what I had because I had no comparison base. I really didn’t know what I was missing, I was mistakenly content.
Suddenly, the electronic age was upon us. We got a home computer and started dabbling with the brand new World Wide Web. Everything seemed to be at our fingertips. One evening, late into the morning hours, I discovered a social site that allowed you to play games with people from around the world. What’s more you could chat with them at the same time. Now, this really didn’t do a lot for me, I never had been much of a social person, but I knew my wife would be excited about it. The next day, when we both awoke, I introduced her to this brand new site.
This site took my wife by storm. She hungered for the social interaction it offered. She would spend days and evenings on the computer. It got to the point where I had to say either the computer or me. Ultimately we took the step I had vowed never to take again. We had two children between us, a daughter, 15 years old and an 11-year-old son. They were the perfect age to be scarred by something like an ugly divorce tearing their home apart, but I felt I had no choice.
My wife made the first move and filed for divorce. The fighting was over. The battles had both been won and lost. We went to court with the reason for divorce; “irreconcilable differences.” The proceeding was calm, almost to the point of being pleasant. So much so that the judge felt it in himself to ask us if we were really here for a divorce. We were, though we held hands through the entire proceeding. We had become two different people, but we hadn’t gotten to the point where we hated each other.
It seemed only minutes and the divorce was over. I was empty; my life had once more met the truth face on and lost. I was broken, lost and wandering. However, it didn’t take long before I met my third girlfriend in my life. I met her through the World Wide Web. To make a long story short, we talked, we met in person, we married and now, some 20 years later, live together in perfect harmony. We have no children between us, but four total children from each of our past relationships. None of them live at home any longer, but I was fortunate enough to have my two children move in with me right away and my new wife and me raised them to their own day of reckoning.
All of our four children are now happy, on their own, living their own life and experiencing their own fantasies and realities with marriage and divorce. All three of our daughters have been divorced at least once each. Our son, the youngest, has been married once but is currently battling the Divorce syndrome.
Divorce is like a virus, a plague. It spreads and it infects everyone. We don’t like what we have gotten ourselves into or where we have ended up so we turn to divorce. I am not proud of the fact I have been divorced twice, it is just one of those things. I am, however, proud of the fact that I married for the third and final time and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, this was the right one. The only good thing about divorce is that it allows the opportunity to search for that one true partner, our true pull apart, and our absolute destiny.
Divorce is the big ugly “D” word. Stay away from it if at all you can. No matter the conditions surrounding a divorce the outcome will never be palatable. Sure, you will survive; time is the final remedy, but don’t let the experience claim your life.