Every woman wants reciprocity especially when it comes to romantic love and romantic relationships. As women, we may discover the love we feel for a man is one-sided. He can’t or won’t love us back and we don’t understand why. In the case of one-sided love, why is irrelevant. What is important is how we handle it.
And some women don’t handle it well. Some women can be very confident in other areas of their lives, but find one-sided love difficult to accept and before she knows it, she’s chasing a guy who doesn’t want to be caught.
Yes, one-sided love can be very painful and the heartbreak may seem unbearable. But as an empowered woman, we have to value our dignity and self-respect more. We can only give so much of ourselves until we lose who we are to the idea of being with someone else. Despite how it feels at the time, this loss of self is actually more painful than the decision to walk away.
Just how do we get it so wrong? We get it wrong when we believe we can love someone into loving us back. Yet, for some men, even if he is sleeping with the woman regularly, he may not consider it a relationship at all. For these men, some involvements are just “in the meantime” or “a why-not situation.” The situation or involvement is fun, but not serious. It is a good time, but not long-term. And what does this mean for the woman chasing him? It means he doesn’t feel he owes her anything and if he finds or meets someone else, she may or may not receive notification their involvement has ended.
Women caught in these involvements think its unfair. But is it really? Have there been warning signs along the way?
Perhaps, there are women out there who misread the warning signs. So, here are just a few indicators that the guy you are pining over or chasing is not interested in a relationship with you.
- He won’t quite call you his girlfriend or woman or lady. You don’t know who you are to him and it is driving you crazy. When you ask him about it, he says “What we have is special, it doesn’t need a title.” Or the all time favorite, “it’s complicated.”
- Getting him to spend time with you is like pulling teeth-mainly your own. It’s plain and simple ladies; a man wants to spend time with the woman he loves. If what the two of you have is an, “in the meantime” thing for him, spending time with you just won’t be a priority.
- When you do spend time together there, you are rarely ever alone. The boys are over. The dog is sitting between you on the couch. He’s on the phone moving from room to room. He just doesn’t seem to want to spend time with you alone. Until, well, you know when!
- You barely know any of his friends and family. Okay maybe you aren’t in the stages of meeting his parents yet, but…Oh come on. If you haven’t met his family or people he considers his family then it’s a good chance he’s not that into you. Let’s just omit the word that. The word that implies there is some hope. He’s not into you.
- You don’t go out. Has he ever asked you out on a date? Or have you always just ended up at each other’s place? Or maybe the two of you have always been on what you thought were group dates? If he hasn’t asked you out, he’s not feeling it.
- He’s dating other women. Nothing else really needs to be said here.
- He comes to you with all of his problems. You’re Ms. Fix-it and after he licks his wounds and feels all better, you rarely hear from him. And when you do, you discover he’s dating someone else. You’ve just fixed him all up for another woman.
- He comes by but never stays over. And if he does stay over, he leaves very early in the morning.
- He tries to convince you that being friends with benefits is better than being a couple. Be forewarned. The “friends with benefits” tactic is just a way to prolong an “in the mean-time until someone I really want comes along” situation which is only beneficial to him.
- You’re complaining about all of the above to your friends. If you are complaining about any of the above to your friends, you know that you’re chasing a guy that may not want to be caught by you.
The signs are always there but we maybe in denial. Sometimes we get bad advice from our girlfriends or we believe he’s not ready to settle down. Maybe he is not but it doesn’t mean that when he’s ready he will settled down with you. He may choose someone else.
The ugly and painful truth is, when a guy is ready he will commit to the woman he chooses. Too many women play the waiting game only to discover they have been wasting their time. The waiting game and the high pursuit chase won’t wear the man down; it will only wear the woman out.
When a woman knows and acknowledges the signs of one-sided love, then she can make an empowered decision. She can decide to discontinue the involvement or accept and enjoy the “situation” as is. If she chooses to accept it, then she must understand there is nothing she can do to change the man’s mind. It’s just a fling going nowhere.
But waiting and hoping when the signs are there will only leave a woman hurt and heartbroken. Her heartbreak is not for a love lost but for the time and energy wasted on a love never returned.