My relationship with my husband before we had children was going well. We fought, we argued, we grew as a couple and we found what works for us. I turned to family and friends for advice but their opinions fell on deaf ears most of the time. Decisions that I’ve never before had to consider and living with a new person made for an interesting time in my life. At first things were good and then they’d get rough and then get good again, it was a cycle that kept going around and around.
I fell in love with my husband quickly and it was easy to see that he was the more carefree person in our relationship. It seemed as though I was always the one who stressed about how we were going to pay the bills, what to eat for dinner, getting the holiday shopping list completed in time and other things similar in nature. His personality allows him to let things slide off his shoulders and he acts as though nothing really bothers him. I wished I could have his attitude about things.
By learning to compromise on our differences, so far, we are able to have a marriage that works well. People around us have already been married and divorced only after a short period of time. It’s definitely a lot of work to be married and to be married with children is even tougher. His lack of urgency and my overwhelming need to be organized works. We found our rhythm early and we apply it in our daily lives.
After having our three children, we learned what roles we play in our children’s lives. It just happened, we didn’t plan anything. I discipline the children most. My husband will speak with authority towards the children but they really have to get him going before he gets stern with them. I do the homework, school drop off, parent-teacher conferences. When the children don’t understand their school work, and I run out of ways to explain the work, he will step in and give it a go. We split bath time duties but we have a different way of getting it done. I prefer to get them in the shower, wash the children up and get them out fairly quick. He lets them play for awhile before they get cleaned up. Of course the children prefer him to bathe them but that’s not always possible.
Learning to share your life with another person can work if one person learns to give in and the other learns to let go. There has been plenty of days that I’ve forgotten that rule and anger sets in. Being a part of another person’s life can be tricky. That hardest part is to be willing to compromise on almost everything.