Recently struggling through a divorce, I’ve been intrigued and curious, to say the least, by social media “date” requests. I know I am not the only one experiencing attention in this manner. Pathetic? I think not. I am actually having fun figuring out how to play the game and how desperate some of these men are. You would think as we grow older it gets easier to converse and communicate with the opposite sex. With all of the research I have been conducting, I have become very good at picking up on red flags. I say this facetiously, smirk and all.
I’ve had my handful of admirers and many more who were blocked from the start. You ask: “Why even pay attention?” My answer: “Research.” I conduct “research” in the safest manner, of course. I have only personally met three. As the research progresses, I have started to categorize them. But I must warn, always be cautious. Currently, I am no longer welcoming the negativity because it truly got dangerous.
This guy is entirely way too anxious to meet you. He needs to meet you within the first 24 hours of beginning to converse. He promises you he is going to give you the world, plus more. He promises to build you stuff, take you wherever you want to go, wait for you. Ladies, stay away! While most of the “stuff” he can give you sounds good, remember who in their right mind promises things so fast and early? Not me! No matter what he says or “promises,” “BEWARE.” Trust me, and more importantly, trust your instinct.
This man likes all of your Facebook and social media statuses. He also feels the need to comment on everything you do. This is an attempt to mark his territory so to speak. We girls do this too. It’s cute at first, but then becomes annoying when done daily. These men, however, are harmless and adorable, but they are extremely shy and pull in and out of your life. Many men and women these days are being extremely cautious about who they become involved with (a big plus). It is safe for them to stay where they are and pop in and out as they please. The “Likers” make good friends, and when they build up their confidence and decide what they truly want, are possibly a good “Keeper.”
This is self-explanatory. This type is a complete turn-off. He tries to take things to the next level way too fast and thinks he can make you interested by saying all the right things. He asks for pictures, wants to meet you in the middle of the night. He also loves to send pictures of himself. Dude, really? Just imagine all of the other pictures this creep has. Be smart, and don’t add to his collection.
I decided to meet a “Promiser” for a drink. I had a bad feeling just based upon our conversations. He said things to me like, maybe I should just show up, where did you go?, you’ve got me, do you plan to have more children?, and so on and so forth. Big red flags, not to mention he sounded very confident and nice over the phone. Ladies, upon arrival, I did not even want to get out of the car. I am not a shallow person at all. I kept an open mind and followed through. While sitting there I kept the conversation neutral and spoke of current events etc. but even the bartender kept looking at me like “Do you need help?” Prior to the meeting, I told him I only had a short time, as I am very busy. I politely told him I had to leave, and he apparently did not like this. He wanted to “follow” me home. I told him “NO.” After we parted, I got several phone calls and text messages, which led to him calling me an obscenity. I need not say more. Stay away from “Promisers” and “Midnight Texters,” as they have the tendency to turn into “Downright Stalkers.” I am lucky my situation did not turn into anything but a lesson learned.
“Likers” can turn into “Keepers.” “Keepers” are also worth dating. I had one “Keeper.” However, things moved way too fast too soon, and no I do not mean sex. I think we were both way too anxious and curious about each other we ignored everything else. We both weren’t looking for a relationship We were at two completely different points in our lives yet had the same thoughts, likes and interests. If you start to like a “Keeper,” take a step back, and don’t get involved if you truly do not know what you want and what his or her intentions are. Always be open, honest and respectful. Things always work out the way they are supposed to.
Dana’s Final Advice
My advice is steer clear from all. While these men are contacting you, they are also contacting other women. Most often they are going to give you attention to the max until their curiosity runs out or they start fighting their emotions, both of which are a big waste of your time. They are looking to see what they can get from you. I must say, however, some turn into good friends with true intentions. Just be extremely cautious and smart. Never meet anyone in a private area, and if you do decide to meet, always tell someone where you are going.
Follow the old adage, “If it seems to good to be true, most often IT IS.” Relationships are work. They don’t automatically happen, nor are they easy. If you want to be with someone, don’t ever give into their charm until the time is absolutely right. Words are just that, words. Always remain honest and open. Never look for trouble or compromising situations. Mr. Right is out there, so don’t be anxious. Be confident and smart. Keep the upper hand, and you will attract the “right” men when you are ready. Finally, never rely on a person to make you happy. Right now, I am happy curling up with a glass of wine and a good book! I am also happy just being friends with the “Likers” and “Keepers.” They are the safest and your best bet.