We seem to follow the rule that expensive is always better when it comes to food . Sometimes it’s true, sometimes it isn’t . But many of us don’t really know the difference, so we just take Whole Foods at its word and come across as pretentious. A reflection of consumerism that is now driven by buzzwords instead of nutritional awareness.
1. Whole Foods
– Easily the most pretentious. What separates Whole Foods from the rest of the pack is the fact that they sell unhealthy foods as well. Under the lamp of the buffet you can find fried chicken, macaroni completely coagulated with cheese, and mash potatoes that are natural, but will put you on the road to carbicide . The problem? It’s still expensive . What’s even worse, is the smug atmosphere of scarfs being worn in the summer, the skinny jeans, and the other collection of people who are overly-invested in their high-priced attire that also think they actually understand the fundamental principles of human nutrition. Fulfilling what it means to be pretentious .
2. Any Farmer’s Market
– You know what used to be a Farmer’s Market? North America. Agriculture used to dominate our labor force . But since then, our GDP has evolved, we’ve become more efficient with our food production, and discovered more options for hunger satiation. Now you can find a Farmer’s Market nearly anywhere and on any weekend in urban areas. And when you go to one, you’ll see that it’s overrun with snobs . These people are making great food decisions overall, but they’re giving too much credit to the concept and not to what they’re actually buying.
3. MOM Supermarket
– Mom used to wear the crown of conceit, but then Whole Foods proliferated. Don’t get me wrong, I love people taking the initiative to eat healthy. But do get me right, and understand that you need to see through the smugscreen in front of thinking that a fruit smoothie is a much better alternative when it still contains a truckload of sugar (foodies haven’t caught on to this yet, I guess).
4. Trader Joe’s
– This is the poorman’s Whole Foods. And for some reason, a lot of distance runners shop here. But they sell processed and frozen foods and don’t hide it on the edges like Whole Foods does, so this tones down the pretentiousness to a number 4 ranking. And the people in here are generally nicer, probably because they are feeling good; fresh off a distance run. This place is nice, I hate to give it up like this… I hate being a Traitor Joe.
5. Harris Teeter
– Also known as the “Harry Teet,” this market is more versatile and universal than any of the four above. And this goes a long way in promoting ego diversity. They offer breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and do charge a little more than Safeway, but they don’t shove the word ‘Organic’ into every angle of your viewing field.
– You can get a four hour old hoagie and find the mayonnaise packets to go with it just a few feet away. And this scares a lot of people.
You can make fun of fast food, and predominantly non-organic markets as much as you want, and it’s perfectly fine. But before you get on your gluten-free soapbox, please make sure you know what the hell you are talking about. That way you can justify the 9 dollars you recently spent on a cleansing pomegranate elixir.