Carl Jung said: One doesn’t solve problems; one outgrows them.
I think this sentence more in terms of “One resists a challenge until one’s heart expands enough to allow the hidden present to be assimilated into one’s life, shifting into a higher level of love, compassion and understanding” (Note that present time is considered a gift, hence the double meaning of the word).
I read a book that particularly affected me in such terms: The Heart of the Christos, by Barbara Hand Clow. This trilogy is not for the faint of heart: the whole journey of self discovery in order to heal herself is quite dramatic and poignant. But in this particular episode, Barbara bravely goes back through hypnotic regression to a particular life or archetype where she was a complete person, not divided into opposite polarities.
In this account, although she is only 17 years old and has a 6 month old baby, she is a Lakota Medicine Woman. It is winter and the land of the Lakota is being invaded by the Shawano people, whose land has also been taken from them. The Lakota warriors are out so the village is vulnerable. Taking this opportunity, the Shawano have come to the village hidden in the darkness of the night and killed men, women and children (including her baby), taking the young women with them.
Despite her pain of having lost her baby, after 3 months of hardship, she is chosen by one of the warriors. She goes into meditation to thank for her new place in the universe and she hears her child calling her from the other side. Because she has given herself totally from the heart to her new husband (even in the possible event where he was the one who killed her son), he regains his humanity and starts loving her back in return. But she has a baby girl and, in their law, when one’s first born is a baby girl, in order to control the population of the tribe and balance the number of warriors, hunters and dependants, the father must choose whether to keep her or to put her out on the rocks to be eaten by the vultures. Because she respects him, when the baby is born she doesn’t speak out of place… This is the final account:
“I have entered into oneness with this man. My heart beats when his heart beats and part of my respect for him is not to speak out of turn. So I am silent. My sharing of my heart is so pure that I see he is going to allow me to keep this child, and I lower my eyes as my daughter moves her mouth for milk. Now I see with my astral body that he is the one who killed my son. I could no have received that wisdom until he took my female child and accepted her. I am overwhelmed by this teaching: if I had not given from my heart to this man since the very beginning, he would not have chosen my female child, because he would have been incapable of feeling love for her […] I have saved my own child by loving and not being angry in my heart. This is a great teaching for one so young to receive”.
This tale of love and compassion touched me so deeply that, for some reason, I felt as if my heart chakra burst open and I cried. It was a long forgotten, very old cry. So old that I don’t even know where it took me and what it cleared. But the result was a huge shift in the way I related to Itsaso, my 9 month old baby.
An old adagio says “What you resist, persists”.
When Itsaso was born, the challenges were so great that I almost gave up doing the right thing (which in my book were breastfeeding, allowing her to sleep in my bed within my protective aura and near my heart beat, etc) many times over, especially during the first 4 months. Then, I realised that every gift that is presented to us in the form of a challenge requires for us to love it in order to be able to release it. While we endure it, resent it, hate it, or resist it in any form, we are making it stay, persist.
But, how can you love a situation that it is keeping you awake at night, that makes you give yourself up completely, that creates a total loss of control in your life, that forces you to make the biggest sacrifice of all: the change of everything you were in order to open up to the person you will become… but without knowing who it is that you are becoming! Lack of boundaries, lack of control, lack of safety net…
And then I realised that you can only do this by opening up your heart centre and finding compassion for yourself and for everyone involved in the challenge. Whether it seems that someone else is doing this to you and this is creating some form of suffering in your life, you eventually will have to allow the pendulum to swing wildly from side to side until the momentum is gone and it naturally finds its centre or point of balance. This is when you raise above the situation, find the gift of love and outgrow your problem.
Until that point, I had experienced exhaustion and overwhelming resistance to the life that I was leading. I had chosen to sacrifice all that I had become so far in order to give my baby the best chance to become a centred, grounded and loved individual. And although I was doing it out of love, there was a feeling of a spiritual contract being fulfilled somewhere along the line.
I felt that the breastfeeding, the having to care for her 24/7 without hardly any help, the having left behind my corporate work and my previous identity, the lack of time to do the reading and writing that I so much loved… it had all taken its toll and God only knows (and this is literally!) how I managed to continue to do what I felt was emotionally gruelling and physically overwhelming work.
However, after this day, I seemed to come to a glorious acceptance of the situation and the same breastfeeding that I had previously felt as sucking the life force out of me now it felt as a tale of love and gratitude; the demanding physical work felt like a fantastic opportunity to get myself fit without going to the gym!; her 24/7 presence in my life became a joy and an opportunity to spend time with her instead of the previous feeling of not being able to get rid of her at all!
All the reading, meditation, soul-searching and in general looking for answers to the question of how was I going to endure the upbringing of this child in a way that felt right in integrity told me eventually that the only answer was love. Love your baby more than before. Love yourself enough to be merciful with your expectations of yourself. Love your life exactly as it was at the time and the answers will find you. Allow your heart to open so that the light can enter and the perspective of your life can expand enough for this new challenge to be included, not excluded.
When this epiphany was made clear to me, then everything became easier. I accepted the challenge as it was: the sleepless nights, the lack of time for myself as I chose to put my life on hold… Suddenly, what I was enduring before I started to love. And from here, I found a new level of inner strength, balance and harmony in my life. And the love of my partner and the love of my daughter who, in their deepest part of them, knew what I had done and the reason why I had done it: for love.
In the Kryon series it is spoken about changing tracks. This refers to the different possibilities and potentials that the future holds, depending on the vibrational level of one’s thoughts. That’s to say: whatever you think about is what you focus on. What you focus on, you attract into your life. It is as if you create your reality by focusing the energy of your thoughts and feelings.
Up to now, since the birth of the baby, although I had been following my inner guidance during all the aspects of rearing the baby, there were times that I didn’t hear properly because of many different fears (that any parent will relate to!), such as was I helping the baby do the right physical exercises, was I feeding her the right nutrition, was I exposing her to the right mental stimuli in order to help her develop her brain and emotional intelligence… but suddenly, I just knew.
I am also studying a course in Metaphysics and it focuses on shifting one’s mind in order to become responsible for the success and happiness that we create in our life. So not only my heart chakra had burst open and assimilated the previously felt hardship, but now my mind also shifted to match the new and lighter vibration of my heart.
A couple of weeks after these two events, the people in the flat below ours decided to start renovation work, which included putting down some walls. And the people in the penthouse above had to sort out a water retention problem. The noise in our flat was simply unbearable! Imagine the poor baby trying to get to sleep… So we spent a couple of weeks going to my friend’s house in order to catch up with some sleep and, generally, spend some time away from the crushing noise of the flat during the day.
It took 10 days for the walls to be demolished. Upstairs was also finished, so the level of noise was reduced considerably. Because I know that all challenges hide a lesson, I waited to see where this one was leading me towards. And to my surprise, another shift was coming my way.
There was a sudden change of rhythm in my life because I was trying to get out of the flat in order to avoid possible noise during the baby’s sleep time. We would go to the seaside and she would sleep on my lap in the car while I would watch the sea, meditate or read.
We were on the move a lot of the day. The baby took it very well. She was happy and would just look at me and smile as if to say don’t worry, you are hearing the right guidance. We had a mum and baby koala or kangaroo kind of relationship – I was carrying her wherever I went. And suddenly, I felt as if this physical shift was a change of tracks in our lives. We are taking Itsaso to a baby advertising agency and this felt as preparation for what it is to come.
Of course, although Itsaso was fine within this dramatic and sudden change of pace, I got ill: my throat glands swelled and I felt as if my ear chakras were being cleared. My whole body hurt and it took me a few days to get well: I needed that time to assimilate the new energies I was shifting into.
You see, Itsaso’s life work is progressing forward very fast without any undue delays because I am not intending her to be or do anything specific. I have no expectations of her. All I do is contain her energy and create boundaries so that she is cared for and loved whenever she needs it. The rest of the time I just allow her to be. And because I also protect her by having her close within my aura, she is a very strong and balanced baby. Now, she is going to expand her very special light by being exposed in the media at the same time that this is training for her to get used to being in the public eye. So I know that she will be all right because, she said to me that the only reason we can lead this kind of life on the move is because I have a very special skill where I am able to create a home within a square metre: everything we need is packed in my rucksack and we can move fast or change direction at any moment’s notice.
Suddenly, I feel that everything we do has moved away from the usual or traditional life style that most people lead: we are to be grounded but on the earth, not in a specific geographical location. We are to move about as a family of 3 (including her father), a commando unit of light, working for the light to help raise the consciousness of the planet and help her spread her light so that others can wake up.
And so I don’t need any more to ask others how to care for her or what kind of education I should expose her to because these shifts (mental, emotional and physical) have given me such clarity that I feel in my heart what my mind cannot discern.
And, at least for today, there is peace in my world.