Divorcing my husband, the father of my daughter, was the best thing I could have done at the time. Now, 40 years later, I look back and see that it wasn’t all good. As I review my life from my divorce on, I have to own some of the bad things that have come of it. I could have done things a little differently.
In order for you to understand what lead to my divorce, you need to know some of the background that led to the divorce in the first place. My husband didn’t work. He wasn’t motivated to get out and get a job. He worked on his friend’s farm for $6 a day. That money he earned each week bought his cigarettes and beer.
You might ask why I married him in the first place. That was another mistake. He was my first boyfriend. I thought I was in love. I didn’t consider how we would live. My childish mentality at the time was that we could live on love.
The thing that led to our divorce was when we had to move out of my parents’ house. My husband and my father didn’t get along because wouldn’t man up and get a job. The only thing we could afford with my money was this little 30-foot trailer with no bathroom in it. In order to do our business we had to go to the landlord’s house, located up the hill from our trailer. That got old in a hurry. I decided that my baby girl and I deserved more than this. I went home to my parents with my daughter in tow.
I continued to work, and my dad said he would help me with paying for the divorce. He wanted me away from this man so I could do better. Now that I have given a little history, I will go on to talk about the mistakes I made.
First mistake in Divorce
The first mistake I made was not telling my husband that I wanted a divorce. Maybe if I had talked to him and told him I wanted a divorce he would have stopped working for that measly $6 a day and gotten a real job. To be fair, he did work a little while at a couple of places, but he didn’t last long. For whatever reason he would get tired of it and quit. My cousin’s husband gave him a job and he quit that after a couple of weeks, and he was back on the farm.
The first time my husband knew that the marriage was really over was when he was served with divorce papers. I don’t know how he felt at the time because we never talked. I can only assume that because he never contacted us to try and stop the divorce, or to make arrangements to see his little girl, he just kept silent and went on with his life. I also went on with my life.
Second mistake in divorce
The second mistake I made was not to contact him and invite him to see his daughter. At the time, I just felt he didn’t care enough about my daughter and me to get a job and contribute to our family. I felt I could raise my daughter even better without him in the picture.
Fast forward to the present, and I am now stuck in the past. My daughter visited her father for the first time in her life, and he was a complete stranger to her. I regret the mistakes I made that have impacted my daughter. I can’t do anything to change it. It’s the way it is.
If I had any advice for couples thinking about divorce, it would be to open the lines of communication. Talk about it and make an informed decision to divorce or stay together and work things out. For me, my mistakes have come home to roost. Yours will too one day, even if it is 40 years later.