Being the victim of verbal abuse is one of the most difficult situations one will ever have to deal with. It cuts through your heart, right down to the core and kills your very soul. Anyone who has ever been in a verbally abusive relationship can relate to the feelings of helplessness that lies within the heart of one who is being verbally abused. Everything is always “your fault,” never the “abuser’s fault,” according to the way the abuser looks at things. The abuser will turn everything around that you say, so much so that the entire meaning of what you said has been lost and now the abuser has a new meaning for your spoken words.
One can sit on the sidelines and never know what is taking place behind closed doors in an abusive relationship. Usually, the verbally abused will keep silent and keep hoping that the situation will change and that the abuser will stop the abuse but it doesn’t happen, not in a million years! Don’t fool yourself into thinking it will happen, for it is more likely that you will win the lottery than it is that the abuse will stop. If you are married to an abuser, chances are you are trapped, unless you make up your mind to get out of the situation. Getting out isn’t always a readily feasible option, as happens in so many cases. If you can get out, do so before your confidence is totally destroyed, for that will ultimately be the end result.
There were probably subtle hints of verbal abuse before the marriage vows, but you were so in love that you had a tendency to overlook the warning signals. With those subtle hints that you refused to call abuse, you had a tendency to accept the frequent apologies, the outbursts of anger, the name-calling, the words that can never be forgotten or taken back. It happens over and over again with more apologies that appear to be sincere but are merely nothing more than words. The warning signs are there but you tend to overlook them and perhaps chalk them up to undue stress, something going wrong at work, etc. You will go to great lengths to avoid the warning signals. With my experience, and I’m speaking solely from what I know to be true in a specific situation, is that I can promise you that the verbal abuse will only amplify with time. It is all about control and making one feel less than what he or she truly is; to an abuser this is power over people’s minds. Remember, if they grew up with an abusive parent then they have preconceived ideas that verbal abuse is perfectly acceptable.
Beware of anyone who displays even the slightest hint of verbally abusive traits in a relationship. The verbal abuser will send you into a viral spin that takes you into the deepest pit that will encompass your very heart and soul, and make it difficult to ever restore confidence in yourself. Remember, everyone is someone special and you have a right to be here, therefore you should never have to endure the mental and physical pain and suffering caused by verbal abuse.
I firmly believe that most verbal abusers grew up with verbal abuse in the home, therefore it was instilled in them all throughout their childhood. My belief is that It all starts at home, therefore the environment in which we raise our children sets the stage for how they will most likely treat other people in their adult years. It is not alright to talk down to a spouse or child, call them names, berate them and make them feel like nothing. Verbal abuse should never be viewed as acceptable.