Based on a Spongebob Squarepants episode titled “Procrastination” where Spongebob had to write a 800 word essay on what not to do at a stoplight. I think the premise is actually pretty funny and somewhat clever. Here’s ten things I notice people tend to do at a stoplight.
Ten Things Not To Do At a Stoplight
10. Putting on Makeup
I’ve seen both females and males do this during a red light. They use their mirror above to do their hair, put on eye shadow, mascara, and lipstick. Once the light turns green, they fumble with their makeup and struggle to get going again. If makeup is already a distraction, then putting some at a brief red light won’t do you any good.
We all know that texting and driving is bad, but texting while in a brief stop is even more distracting. The average red light lasts 20 seconds to two minutes so a quick yes or no text is reasonable.
Most people try to send a big time message to their loved one or their friend, and it can get pretty distracting for them when it’s time to go.
It can also make for an accidental inappropriate text to their mom when they meant to send it to their boyfriend/girlfriend, Sorry Mom!
8. Eating a sandwich
Forget snacking while driving, eating while stopped briefly seems like a good strategy. I’m sure the potent smells will make the drivers around you jealous and hungry.
Eating in your car seems pretty stupid in general because it creates a big mess that builds up over time. Save your fries when you actually get out of the car and don’t try to rush food down during a brief traffic light because you might just end up choking.
7. Flirting with the driver next to you
I’ve heard stories of people falling in love during a traffic light, but to me that seems pretty desperate. How exactly can you fall in love between 20 seconds and 2 minutes at most?
If you do, then you must move real quick. Does the conversation go like this?
“Hey what’s up, I like you car, I love you!”
“Oh thank you, I love your car, marry me!”
“Ok I will, here’s my number, Call Me, Maybe”.
“Ok Carly Rae!”.
That last quote is a joke, I’m sure they won’t call.
6. Cursing and Flipping Off People Around You
What’s worse than trying to flirt? Trying to make enemies with your fellow drivers. This works particularly well or bad when your driving in a strange and dangerous neighborhood like Camden, Newark, and Compton. Your bad habits might just put you in the hospital or even a grave.
Think before you speak please. You don’t want your cause of death being “Stuck middle finger out to gang member at red light, got shot, now dead, my bad”.
5. Throwing Trash Out the Window
Come one, you know better. Don’t litter please or you’ll have to pay a fine. You can litter as long as you’re on an empty highway in an already dirty area.
You know what’s even worse. Imagine you throw out your dirty garbage and there’s a cop right next to you. What if you actually hit their cop car with your Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts coffee? You can imagine the look on their face and the look on yours once you find out the fines you’re gonna have to pay.
4. Singing Very Loudly
Are you asking to get beat up by a nice elderly woman that’s right to you? Because that’s what’s gonna happen when you start singing that new Justin Bieber song as loudly as possible.
Save your teen dream fantasies at home and just zip it. If you want to sing, at least make sure your windows are up and you’re not screaming the song. Trust me you don’t want that kind of attention.
Chances are you cannot sing a note and would get beat up by Simon Cowell if he was the driver next to you.
3. Drinking Alcohol
Everyone knows drinking and driving is bad, but what’s so bad about drinking and stopping. At least your not physically driving so you can’t hurt anybody.
The problem with that is that you’re messing with the law. It’s bad enough that you have an open alcoholic container, but it’s even worse when you start drinking from it while in a car on a busy street at a red light.
Do you really think no one’s gonna notice? Do you really think the cop behind you won’t see what you’re doing. Enjoy spending time in jail for a SWS (Stopping While Stupid).
2. Expressing Self-Love
I don’t want to go into this too much because hopefully people could understand what I’m implying. Sometimes people are lonely or may get a little too excited and feel the need to release that excitement. That’s all I’m gonna say so let your mind wander.
This is not appealing to the drivers next to you, this is highly inappropriate, and it completely shows a lack of self-control. You can’t wait ten minutes until you get home to do this. You can’t wait until you go to a bathroom to do this, you can’t find the nearest wooded area to do this.
Please don’t try to be as creepy as Jerry Sandusky at Penn State, you don’t want that kind of attention.
You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve seen people literally fall asleep at the wheel during a red light. How sleepy do you have to be to pass out ten seconds after you come to a brief stop.
Or better yet, how drunk or high do you have to be to pass out within a few seconds of stopping at a light. This is ridiculous, prepare to get beeped at, prepare to get into some serious trouble, and prepare to get busted potentially. Again, wait until you get home, until you get to work (good luck with that), or until you find a motel.
This is the last thing you wanna do at a stoplight, so take some 5 Hour Energy and stay up please.