The day I had to finally admit my daughter is a bully was when her older brother told her to her face that she is a bully. Sadly I was already thinking along the same lines that she seems to sound like a bully.
My oldest son really feels his sister is a big bully because she enjoys hitting “boys” and likes to remind them she can do it again and make them scared of her. This past year and this year all she does is come home and brag about what she did to “boys” or threaten to the boys at her school.
She is 12 years old and is an extremely opinionated girl I think for her age, she says exactly what is on her mind, even if it hurts someone else. In her own self defense she claims, that she is protecting herself and her friends from the boys that pick on them. She says they hit her and so she takes it upon herself to hit them back.
And because I told her a saying many times “do unto others what they do unto you” I am now afraid she is using that quote every chance she gets and I was not trying to give her permission to act in this way. I was merely trying to use it as an example of “Be nice to others and they’ll be nice to you”. I have told her other quotes I got from my father when I was little, but she is using this one as a justification to hit boys. When she reminds me what I have told her it makes me “look and feel” like I’m the bad guy, because she is being a bully.
When you try to teach kids right from wrong and use “sayings or quotes” it can give the wrong impression, even if you do not mean to. I can see that I have made that mistake with her or maybe I didn’t convey it properly? I tell her another saying that she has heard for years, but I guess it doesn’t suit her purpose, “Two wrongs, don’t make a right”.
She got herself suspended for two days not too long ago and the boy who hit her first was also suspended. I have been talking to her almost daily about her behavior because she tells me something almost daily about what she said or did in self defense for herself, a friend or her relative. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very proud for her sticking up for her and others which is something else I taught her, but she doesn’t understand there is a time and place and sometimes “it really is okay to turn the other cheek”.
So this has become a fight with us on a daily basis and I remind her that she could get herself suspended again or worse have assault charges brought against her. I also have tried explaining to her that maybe this boy likes her and it’s his way of showing it, not that she is allowed boyfriends now.
I got me a book called ” The Connected Child”, I’m hoping it will help me get through to her and I also have a nephew that I adopted last year that I need help with an anger attitude management issue, he has been with us four years come July, so wish us luck !